Oct. 10, 2012 at 9:52 AM ET
Jimmy Fallon took his Tuesday night audience to the land of Make-Believe, as he donned his Mitt Romney outfit and salt-and-pepper hair and invited them to visit "Mister Romney's Neighborhood," a wicked riff on the classic PBS series "Mister Roger's Neighborhood."
Naturally, in Mitt's neighborhood, there's no soft blue cardigan to change into -- just another dark suit jacket -- and there's Manuel ready to take care of your shoewear. But Fallon-as-Romney had lessons to impart, such as the definition of money. "Do you know what money is?" he asked the camera. "I'm guessing no, because you're watching public television. Therefore you don't have cable. Therefore you're probably poor."
After a brief visit from President Obama (psst: not the real one), Fallon/Romney led audiences to the neighborhood of Make-Believe. "That's where me and Paul Ryan get most of our facts from," he said, strapping a stuffed dog to the top of the trolley for the journey.
Truly, a joke that never gets old. And what did we learn about the land of Make-Believe? About things that don't really exist in the real world -- like a cat, in a tree house. Or Romney's tax returns.
Meanwhile, the boys at Comedy Central were hot on the trail in another way. Romney's surge in the polls led "The Daily Show's" Jon Stewart to declare the election all but over, much like it was a lock for Barack Obama a week ago. But that’s nothing compared to how Stephen Colbert feels.
Colbert’s guest on "The Colbert Report" was a delightfully cranky Morrissey, who again put the kibosh on any reunion of The Smiths and seemed to be contemplating renouncing his anti-meat stance to turn Colbert into a plate of bacon. But he saved his biggest rant for the British royal family.
“I think they are arrogant, horrible dictators,” Morrissey said.
Guess that knighthood honor will have to wait.
But Colbert defended the honor of Princess Kate and company. Finally, Morrissey asked: “Do you have a royal family?”
“Yes. It’s called the Romneys,” Colbert said.
With a Romney presidency a certainty, Stewart took a look at how Mitt Romney might do something to eliminate that trillion dollar deficit he calls “immoral.” The Republican nominee has already said that social security and medicare won’t be changed for senior citizens. Job training is OK. He’ll even add to the Navy by 15 ships a year, including three submarines.
“It may sound fiscally irresponsible, but just seven more submarines and America gets a free sandwich,” Stewart said.
Moreover, all of that would come with the 20 percent tax cut that Romney has already promised.
"We get to keep all our stuff -- and pay less for it! This is like those special potato chips that they made with Olestra that had all of the flavor and none of the calories,” Stewart said.
The obvious item that could be used to make those numbers work is a repeal of Obamacare, the sacred cause of many a Republican candidate this election cycle. But Romney said he intends to maintain some of the provisions he likes, like coverage of preexisting conditions and extending the period children can be covered on their parents policy.
Which caused Stewart to ask: “Are you a wizard? Do you know or have you ever captured a leprechaun? Is there a goose in your house that produces eggs that are unusually heavy? Because if not, you’re lying!”
And he’s still looking for more specificity, saying “Dude couldn’t be more vague if he were an HBO season finale!”
Though even Democratic fans of “The Sopranos” would give the award to HBO in that category.
Of course, Steven Colbert is happier with current events. “He is on a rocket ride to plausible!” Colbert gushed about Romney’s recent surge. But he’s not taking anything for granted either.
President Obama warned at a recent event that “we’re only going to do it if everyone is almost obsessive for the next 29 days.” Colbert chastened his fans for their passivity.
“That’s right Obama supporters. Right now you’re only logged on to his website, Facebook page, Twitter feed, YouTube channel, mobile app, Pintrest board, Tumblr, Flicker, Spotify, Storify and Instagram. He needs you to commit!”