The latest reality TV show takes the stars of porn out of the bedroom and onto the London dramatic stage.
You do not need me to tell you that TV is a kaleidoscope of competition shows and reality. There's an all reality cable network, there are on-air night fights for the best pop singer like “American Idol” or “America's Next Top Supermodel” or for the “Next Top Fashion Designer," to say nothing of those pulled groin festivals that result from making celebrities try to dance or worst yet, ice skate.
"My Bare Lady" is a new show for FOX Cable in which producers will take four lucky American porn stars to Great Britain. There they will train them in classical drama and put them on stage in classical drama; possibly rolls from Chekhov's “The Cherry Orchard," and see how the English theater crowd receives them.
Of course only the pun-filled titles of adult films are universally appreciated. It's fitting that “My Bare Lady” has been done already with an X rating in 1989 with Shannon McCullough as Liza Screwlittle, Mike Horner as Professor Diggins and Robert Bullock as Colonel Dickering, or so I've been told. As to this “My Bare Lady,” who are the lucky ladies? It hasn't been cast yet, but it looks like it will not include Anna Nicole Smith.
A source tells “The New York Daily News” that the former playboy and soft porn model is pregnant. Apparently she was inseminated by a friend. Well I should hope so. Any way, the friend is now asking for money and access to the baby.
There's only one obvious front-runner for the casting, the former candidate for governor and lieutenant governor of California and current adult film actress Mary Carey.
Keith Olbermann discussed the reality show with Mary Carey on "Countdown." This is a transcript of their conversation.
KEITH OLBERMANN, HOST, "COUNTDOWN": So, you're going for this? Wasn't this your original career path any way, legit acting?
MARY CAREY, ADULT FILM STAR: Yes I was a theater major in college at Florida Atlantic University and then I kind of took a different route. My attorney's one of the producers of the show, so he's been talking to me about it. So, hopefully I'll get to be on the show.
OLBERMANN: Now on the face of this and obviously they want this, it sounds like an outrageous idea. But there have been adult performers who've crossed over to mainstream acting. I mean, they didn't put Tracy Lords on Masterpiece Theatre or anything, but don't you think this may not be as far-fetched as people might think it's going to be?
CAREY: I don't think it's far-fetched at all. I think porn has become a lot more mainstream. Ron Jeremy does a lot of different acting jobs and me running for governor and I'm also running for governor again starting next week, so I'll hopefully get to talk to you about that. I think that porn is more mainstream and this will be a great opportunity for people like me who are theater majors to get to show the world that we're not just blond haired girls with big boobs who like to have sex.
OLBERMANN: Okay well I'm just going to pass on that for a second. Has this spread through the industry? Are any of your peers interested in trying out for this too? Was there somebody you'd like to compete against, so to speak?
CAREY: You know I know there's a couple other girls that are interested, but I don't think that many porn girls really are into acting. The ones that are will probably want to do this. There are a lot of girls in porn that would rather just stick to the movies. I did have one friend who wants to compete against me for this role, so we'll see what happens.
OLBERMANN: In “American Idol,” you get a recording contract at the end of it, the winner does. Do you know what the prize actually is at the end of “My Bare Lady”? Is it just this quick stint on the London stage?
CAREY: Well hopefully if I were to win this and if I'm on the show, I would get to be the star of my own Broadway play forever. That's what I would like. That's my ideal prize or maybe an anchoring job on MSNBC.
OLBERMANN: Well on that, your turn will be probably be coming up soon enough as it is just by rotation. Everybody gets it at least, I'm on my second try. Presuming you will need to audition for the series, can we just walk through a pre-audition here? You want to try the Romeo and Juliet 'Wherefore art thou' speech?
CAREY: Okay I'm going to practice, but I need an accent coach. But I'll work on it. "Oh, Romeo, Romeo, where for art thou Romeo." Deny thy father and refuse they name. Oh if thou will not, you're sworn by my love and I will no longer be a Capulet."
OLBERMANN: That's a pretty good read right there.
CAREY: Oh, Keith, oh Keith Olbermann.
OLBERMANN: Now if this works, are you just going to drop the other movies if this works?
CAREY: Definitely. My main focus though really over the next coming weeks is running for governor. So if I'm not governor of California, I will pursue acting.
OLBERMANN: Just like the current occupant of the chair. The actress one time and future candidate for governor of California, possible star of “My Bare Lady” Mary Carey. Good to talk to you Mary. Take care.