Getty Images File
updated 6/8/2006 4:23:18 PM ET 2006-06-08T20:23:18

World Cup tickets are hard to get if you are a fan (see: " Ticket Drought"). But desperate times call for inventive measures. Here are four ways to crash the cup. As they say, don’t try these at home.

Parachute into the stadium where your team is playing.

To give Germany's Bundespolizei the slip, you'll need optimum conditions for this stunt. Choose a non-windy day, thus minimizing the risk of overshooting the stadium by several hundred meters or ending up tangled in the floodlights. Far better to glide into the arena like Mary Poppins as the national anthems for each team are played. Lily-livered types should steady their nerves with a swig of Asbach brandy and some inspiriting operatic music such as Wagner's Ride Of the Valkyries. Getting an official World Cup sponsor such as McDonald's, Coca-Cola or Budweiser stitched onto your canopy silk will also prevent you getting shot.

Check ticket holders' "true-fan" credentials outside the grounds.

This is where things could turn nasty. A bare-chested man with a tattoo of his club's crest on his forearms isn’t going to give up his tickets without a fight. Seek instead ticket holders who seem to have come to Germany by mistake--they will be as sober as a judge, carrying a plentiful supply of food, binoculars and possibly a newspaper in case they get bored. One identified, ask them to explain the offside rule. If they look at you blankly--or use salt and pepper mills from their picnic baskets to illustrate their point--they're easy pickings. Explain the unfairness of the situation, and the tickets will be produced without too much of a struggle. They can always continue their walking holiday in the Black Forest.

Do a reverse Escape To Victory.

If you've ever watched Escape To Victory--the greatest movie ever made about soccer and World War II starring Michael Caine--you'll remember that a motley group of POWs agree to play an exhibition match in Paris against the cream of German soccer talent, only to find themselves embroiled in a propaganda tournament. The inmates, played by the likes of Pele and Sylvester Stallone, are, improbably, tied at 4-4 shortly before the final whistle. Then Stallone--playing a grumpy Yank who despises soccer--saves a penalty. Jubilant French spectators singing La Marseillaise swamp the pitch and hustle the team out of the stadium. Caine and co. never even need the escape tunnel they have dug in the dressing room. For those inspired by the movie, just before kick-off, burrow to the surface of the pitch, leaving a neat molehill in place of the center-spot.

Disguise yourself as a famous player to slip through the turnstiles ticket-less.

Compared to the parachute jump, this one's child’s play. To mimic Brazilian genius Ronaldinho, you'll need to be clad head-to-toe in Nike gear, sport a hair band and a doltish bucktoothed grin. For England captain David Beckham, a sarong, two diamond earrings, twenty tattoos, aviator sunglasses and a whip-thin orange girlfriend. For Beckham's injured teammate Wayne Rooney, a pair of crutches and a passing resemblance to Shrek may do the trick.

But don't go anywhere in a bear costume. When an Italian brown bear lollopped across the Alps last week to become the country's first ursine visitor in 170 years. Bavarian Environment Minister Werner Schnappauf urged hunters to blow its head off lest it eat any more sheep or chickens. You have been warned.

Viel Gluck!

© 2012


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