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Video: Relationships 101: Do's and Don'ts

TODAY
updated 7/12/2007 5:56:34 PM ET 2007-07-12T21:56:34

Love the challenge of dating a bad boy but wish you could see through his mind games and hidden agendas? Steve Santagati, former model, bad boy and author of “The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate — and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top,” reveals what’s going on inside the male mind. Here’s an excerpt:

Chapter One

Who Is A Bad Boy?
Admit it, you want to date Bad Boys. Despite what your mother may have told you, we make the best boyfriends. We’re fun, we love women, and we know how to turn you on. Let me explain.

I’d be sugarcoating the definition, however, if I didn’t explain the “bad” part. He’s bad because he’s “got your number,” knows how to manipulate you, and might not view female casualties as a problem. He doesn’t always see you as a person, but instead as a challenge or a case study. For many Bad Boys, the chase is more important than the catch. The outcome? Hearts are broken, your need for closure is ignored, and he’s off to his next “mark,” remembering you only as an experience. If that’s not bad, what is?

Examples: Great Hollywood Bad Boys have included Colin Farrell, George Clooney, Jack Nicholson, Johnny Knoxville, Jude Law, Snoop Dogg, Warren Beatty, Vince Vaughn, and (yes, really) John Mayer. (The sensitive guitar players are brilliant; you’ll never see them coming.)

My point is that Bad Boys come in all shapes and sizes. I used to think that only tough guys were Bad Boys, but I was wrong; they’re often the earthy types, the businessmen, and the boys next door.

You know when a Bad Boy enters a room: His confidence and past success with women are revealed in his unflinching eye contact, his slow, definite pace, and the glaring looks he receives from other men. Meanwhile, the women in the room perk up like deer at a water hole. He is automatically king of whatever domain he enters, and he doesn’t feel the need to prove himself. He just is.

Dedication to the Cause
A Bad Boy studies women with the same passion and dedication that Nobel laureates pursue academia. A Bad Boy receives equally impressive rewards ... albeit not in the form of medals and plaques. Instead, he gets something better, something every man on the planet desires: an undeniable ability to seduce women based solely on who he is. Women are attracted not to his status, bank account, or intellect; instead, he can woo women strictly based on himself. (Why? We’ll get to that in the next section, “Why You Have No Choice but to Like Us.”) For a man, there is no bigger ego boost than having a woman feel weak in the knees because of his effect on her. It’s our most primitive quest.

Most true Bad Boys are born or reared as such. On occasion, a lucky few stumble and accidentally fall into behaving badly as a route to success with the opposite sex, summoned to a life spent pursuing the understanding of women. Either way, we leave no stone unturned when it comes to girls. We want to know everything, from why you get edgy during PMS to why you enjoy sex, as well as what makes you laugh, what your weaknesses are, how to build you up and how to knock you down a few pegs, and what makes you happy.

Why You Have No Choice but to Like Us
There have been all sorts of studies done on why women are attracted to this “naughty” element in men. To us Bad Boys, this is all just scientific chatter. However, I have taken the time to examine sociological and anthropological research on the topic, and it comes down to this: A desire to propagate is rooted deep within our species. Along with that desire, we have biological traits that guide us in choosing the right mate. Women have the best chance at propagating if they choose only the strongest alpha males, and men have the best chance of propagating if they can attract many females. You see this in nature all the time.

But humans have reached a level of civilization that doesn’t admire the male side of that equation. Polygamy went out with the corset, hence the conundrum in dating. Bottom line? You like me, want my romantic attentions, and want me to date you monogamously. And there’s nothing you can do to keep me from playing the field. Or is there?

Keep reading, because even if you think you don’t like full-blown Bad Boys, every woman needs a guy with an edge to keep her heated up. The following pages will help you keep that fire burning — and under control.

Excerpted from "The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate — and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top," by Steve Santagati. Copyright 2007 by Steve Santagati. Published by Random House. No part of this excerpt can be used without permission of the publisher.

© 2013 MSNBC Interactive.  Reprints

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