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updated 1/26/2004 3:53:01 PM ET 2004-01-26T20:53:01

The opinions expressed herein are the guest's alone and have not been reviewed by a WebMD physician. If you have a question about your health, you should consult your personal physician. This event is meant for informational purposes only.

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Question:  I am a female, age 56, who has gone through menopause but still have all my "parts." It requires almost 20 minutes of oral sex to bring me to orgasm. Is there a topical cream or something I could use to help? Would taking a half of a Viagra help?

Answer:  I'm glad to hear you have all your parts, because that will make our job easier!

I don't think that 20 minutes of oral sex is a particularly long time, but it sounds like you do. Perhaps your partner has expressed some opinions about that as well. If your partner has not complained, then I wouldn't be that concerned myself. One thing that will slow you down from reaching orgasm is worrying about how long you're taking.

Something you can do that you don't need to buy is to allow your mind to think about whatever is erotic to you while you're receiving the oral stimulation. You would be amazed to know how much effect your mind can have on the speed and intensity of your arousal. Many women don't feel comfortable allowing their minds to meander through sexual images when they are with a partner. They worry about being disloyal. If that's a concern to you, then see if you feel comfortable sharing some of your erotic images with your partner, thereby including that person.

Sexual interaction with another person does not need to be only about them.

So rather than trying Viagra or the topical creams that make great promises, first try using your mind differently when you're receiving. See if that helps. I suspect it would.

Louanne Cole Weston, Ph.D., is a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor and a board-certified sex therapist in practice since 1983. Her work in the field of human sexuality includes extensive experience as a therapist, educator, and researcher.

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