Image: Jaycee Dugard and ABC’s Diane Sawyer
Reuters
Jaycee Dugard, right, talks to ABC’s Diane Sawyer in her first interview since being discovered and freed in August 2009.
msnbc.com staff and news service reports
updated 7/11/2011 7:39:16 AM ET 2011-07-11T11:39:16

Talking through tears, a California woman held captive for nearly two decades told of the pain and determination as she gave birth to her captor's child in his backyard prison, while she was still just a young teenager.

"It was very painful," Jaycee Dugard told ABC News' Diane Sawyer in an interview on "Primetime" that aired Sunday night. "She came out and then I saw her. She was beautiful. I felt like I wasn't alone anymore. I had somebody who was mine."

After the interview aired, Dugard's memoir "A Stolen Life" jumped to No. 1 on Amazon's bestseller spot, the Los Angeles Times reported. The book will be released Tuesday.

The 31-year-old woman, usually clear and composed, grew emotional when she talked about seeing the first of two girls fathered by her kidnapper, Phillip Garrido.

When Sawyer asked how old she was at the time of the birth in the San Francisco Bay Area city of Antioch she said "14" with a small, incredulous laugh and a shake of her head.

Video: Jaycee Dugard tells of horrific ordeal (on this page) She said she didn't know how she could protect the child, but said "I knew I could never let anything happen to her. I didn't know how I was going to do that, but I did."

Dugard talked to Sawyer on a couch and on a porch at her California home. The blond hair she had in now-familiar photographs from her childhood is now reddish-brown, and she wore a red sweater and a necklace with a pinecone charm on it, representing the last thing she touched before her 18-year captivity.

'Do what you have to do'
Dugard told Sawyer there was "a switch" she had to shut off to emotionally survive her rape and imprisonment. Asked by Sawyer how she stayed sane, Dugard said: "I don't know. I can't imagine being beaten to death, and you can't imagine being kidnapped and raped. You just do what you have to do to survive."

Story: Jaycee Dugard: I stayed with captor to keep my kids safe She described walking to the school bus stop on the day of a fifth-grade field trip and being zapped with a stun gun on a South Lake Tahoe street at age 11.

She said she heard Garrido laughing and telling his wife Nancy Garrido "I can't believe we got away with it," calling the moment "the most horrible moment in your life, times 10."

Dugard said she tried to hold in her tears because of her cuffed hands.

"I tried not to cry because I couldn't wipe them away," she said, "and then they get itchy."

She recalled the soundproof door of the backyard studio that Garrido shut and locked each time he left her.

"I can still hear it, consciously, when I'm awake," Dugard said. "Some sounds and smells just don't leave you."

Her only companion was a spider she named "Bianca," Dugard told Sawyer, according to the LA Times. "I would live in my own world," she said. "Physical abuse was all I knew."

Dugard told Sawyer that in later years despite going out into public with her captors, she was just too scared to try to leave, especially for her daughters. The fear was fueled by what the Garridos told her about the world.

"What I knew was safe," she said. "The unknown out there was terrifying, especially when thinking about the girls."

Slideshow: Captive’s tale (on this page) Parole officers paid visits throughout the years to the home to check on Garrido and give him drug tests, but none reported any irregularities.

"I actually talked to one of the agents, and the agent proceeded to give Phillip his urine test and left," Dugard said. "He made me feel like he didn't really care."

'He stole my baby'
Phillip Garrido, 60, a serial sex offender, was given the maximum possible sentence of 431 years to life in prison last month after pleading guilty to kidnapping and 13 sexual assault charges, including rape and committing lewd acts captured on video.

His plea was part of a deal with prosecutors that saw Nancy Garrido, 55, sentenced to 36 years to life after pleading guilty to kidnapping and rape.

Without going into many details, Dugard talked about the long, drug-fueled sex sessions Garrido would put her through, and said that to her great confusion he would cry afterward.

"He would tell me what an awful man he was," Dugard said. She said she would think that despite her own terrible pain, "I have to comfort him?"

Dugard told of her strange relationship with Nancy Garrido, who she said was "very jealous of me for some reason, like I wanted her husband to rape me, very jealous, and sick."

Dugard said she is not full of rage, that to be angry all the time would be to let Phillip Garrido win.

But her mother, Terry Probyn, who was interviewed by Sawyer alongside her daughter, said she was.

"I think I have enough hate in my heart for the both of us," Probyn said. "I hate that he took her life away, I hate that he stole her from me, he ripped out a piece of my heart, and he stole my baby."

She then looked to her daughter.

"He stole your childhood, he stole your adolescence, he stole your high school proms, and pictures and memories."

Dugard's reply: "But he didn't get all of me."

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Video: Jaycee Dugard tells of horrific ordeal

  1. Closed captioning of: Jaycee Dugard tells of horrific ordeal

    >>> dugard,he califnia woman, spent 18 years in captivity at the hands of phillip and anthony garrido is revealing her horrific ordeal in her own words. with get more about the memoir.

    >>> jaycee dugard is now living in northern california with her mother and half sister . in her new book, jaycee said she's healing from the years of abuse she endured from the garridos. four weeks ago, with the sentencing of phillip and nancy garrido , jaycee dugard closed a da chapter in her life.

    >> i think it's fair to say a nightmare has come to an end.

    >> reporter: behd her now, the terror that began when she was 11, kidnapped by the garridos, and forced to live in a maze of rickty she and tents in the back yard of their california home. in her new book, jaycee chronicled the horror she experienced, beginning with her first night icaptivity. experts say writing about her past will help jaycee heal.

    >> she gets to put an end to the very dark passage. there are no secrets.

    >> she sparps no details -- she endures years of sexual abuse by garrido who fathered two daughters with jaycee . at first, garrido handcuffed jaycee to keep her from escaping. later he used other measures. but in august of 2009 , everything changed. phillip and nancy were questioned by police and jaycee , afraid to even utter her real name, wrote it down for a policewoman. it was like breaking an evil spell. i looked at her and said, i can see my mom? she said, yes. that was her moment of freedom. while others have reported her ordeal since then, it's jaycee turn to tell her story in her own words. david?

    >> thank you very much.

Photos: Captive’s tale

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  1. After being held against her will for 18 years, Jaycee Dugard told 'People' magazine that she's "so happy to be back with my family." In addition to the interview, the magazine featured on Oct. 14 the first photo of Dugard as a 29-year-old. She now lives in seclusion with her mom, Terry Probyn, 50, and the two daughters – Angel, 15, and Starlit, 11 – fathered by her alleged kidnapper, Phillip Garrido. (People) Back to slideshow navigation
  2. In this 1991 photo, an El Dorado County sheriff's deputy holds a photograph of Jaycee Lee Dugard, shortly after her kidnapping, in South Lake Tahoe, Calif. Authorities say Phillip Garrido and his wife Nancy Garrido confessed to snatching Dugard from a South Lake Tahoe bus stop in 1991; both were arrested. Dugard was reunited with her mother, sister and another relative on Aug. 27. (Ivor Markman / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  3. In this June 10, 1991, photo, Terry Probyn, mother of Jaycee Dugard, fights back tears before cutting a cake on Jaycee Lee's birthday just a few days after Jaycee was kidnapped in front of her stepfather, Carl Probyn, near their home in South Lake Tahoe, Calif. (Ivor Markman / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  4. In this 1991 photo, FBI agents speak to passing motorists while investigating the kidnapping of Jaycee Lee Dugard in South Lake Tahoe, Calif. (Ivor Markman / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  5. These undated handout photos show Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped in 1991 at the age of 11 from near her home in South Lake Tahoe, Calif. On Aug. 28, her stepfather described her as a "mellow" kid. (Child Quest via Reuters, AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  6. Nancy Garrido, second from left, and her husband Phillip, far right, are with their court-appointed attorneys, Gilbert Maines, left, and Susan Gellman, right, during their Aug. 28 arraignment on 29 felony counts stemming from the 1991 abduction of Jaycee Dugard, in the El Dorado Superior Court in Placerville, Calif. The couple pleaded not guilty to charges including forcible abduction, rape, sexual assault and false imprisonment. (Rich Pedroncelli / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  7. Mugshot photos of Phillip and Nancy Garrido, who were arrested Aug. 27 in the case of Jaycee Lee Dugard. Phillip Garrido is a registered sex offender who has served prison time for kidnapping and rape. (Dorado County Sheriff's Office via AFP - Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  8. Makeshift tents and other structures fill the backyard where authorities say kidnap victim Jaycee Lee Dugard spent 18 years in Antioch, Calif. (Justin Sullivan / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  9. An FBI agent carries a bag of evidence from the Garrido home in Antioch, Calif., on Aug. 27. (Paul Sakuma / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  10. An FBI agent inspects the car that was reportedly used in the kidnapping of Jaycee Dugard as it is being impounded from the home of Phillip Garrido and his wife, Nancy Garrido, in Antioch, Calif. (Monica M. Davey / EPA) Back to slideshow navigation
  11. Jaycee Dugard was waiting for a school bus on June 10, 1991, on this road in South Lake Tahoe when she was abducted by a couple driving a gray sedan. (David B. Parker / Reno Gazette-Journal via AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  12. Carl Probyn, 60, stepfather of Jaycee Dugard, holds a photo of his stepdaughter at his home in Orange, Calif. (Nick Ut / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
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