Image: Crystal Harris and her Hugh Hefner
Fred Prouser  /  Reuters
Playboy Playmate Crystal Harris told shock jock Howard Stern that sex with ex-fiance Hugh Hefner was super-speedy. But that's not typically an old man's problem.
By
msnbc.com contributor
updated 7/28/2011 1:18:44 PM ET 2011-07-28T17:18:44
COMMENTARY

Say it ain’t so, Hef!

Crystal Harris, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner’s former fiancé, told Howard Stern that Hef has the sexual staying power of a high school freshman. Hef, she said, lasted “like, two seconds.” 

Hefner denied the diss in a tweet — and there's actually good reason to believe him.

Aside from providing evidence that Hef’s taste in women is slipping in his old age, Harris’ statement is pretty unreliable as evidence that Hef is a premature ejaculator because in reality, older men, and especially old men — and let’s face it, at 85 Hef is an old man — typically last longer in the sack.

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Just ask any older woman who has to deal with a randy, Viagra-popping retiree.

The problem old men face is usually achieving an erection in the first place, not premature ejaculation, notes Barbara Keesling, a professor of human sexuality who teaches at California State University Long Beach and Cal State Fullerton — and who was at one time a  "sex surrogate."

Scoop: Crystal Harris dishes on sex with Hugh Hefner

“It’s really weird she would say that,” Keesling told me. “As men age, their reflexes slow down, the nerve endings in the penis are less sensitive, and they have usually learned to control their ejaculations.” An octogenarian premature ejaculator is possible if he never learned to control ejaculation, she said, but it’s pretty rare.

Keesling, who wrote a book called “All Night Long: How to Make Love to a Man Over 50,” said that older men who do have the problem can learn to control it either with drug therapy like Prozac, or with sensate focus and relaxation techniques. “You’d think if Hef did have that problem he could afford the best therapies,” she said. “If he did, he should have called me!”

(Playboy did call upon Keesling; she appeared in a pictorial called “The Doctor Is In” in 1995, but she never met Hefner.)

Not only could he afford the best, but Hef is, shall we say, somewhat experienced. He’s been schtupping women whose names end in an “ie” sound for more than half a century so the other possible cause of a premature episode – sex partner novelty and being overwhelmed by a woman’s sexiness – also seems unlikely. It’s not like Crystal Harris is his first Barbie.

In fact, one of Hef’s girlfriends was actually named Barbie, Barbie Benton. (For you kids, there was once a comedy show on TV called "Hee-Haw." It featured hillbilly humor. Barbie Benton played the resident babe, usually wearing tiny cut-off shorts. It was popular. Trust me.) So it’s not likely Harris’ allure was so overwhelming Hef just couldn’t control himself.

More likely, Harris has realized that her brief spotlight moment is about to end and that telling contrarian bedroom tales on an old man with a  satyr’s reputation is a good strategy for extending it.

Brian Alexander is a frequent contributor to msnbc.com and TODAY.com, and is the author of the book “America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction."

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