updated 3/1/2004 6:01:49 PM ET 2004-03-01T23:01:49

Unlike politicians, most people don't draw a paycheck based on ego and ambition. And, unlike politicians, they don't worry about poll results. It's tuitions, health plans, job security and the quality as well as safety of public school classrooms and neighborhood streets that tend to take priority.

These guys running for office get so isolated within their own campaigns, so afraid of offending one group or another, so desperate to avoid controversy, so dependent on consultants and advisers, that they discard conscience and common sense.

For example, this week brings us Super Tuesday. A few days ago, President Bush fired the first real shot of his reelection campaign when he announced he wanted to amend the Constitution to make it illegal for anyone other than a man and a woman to get married. Think about that for a second: There's a hole in the sky above lower Manhattan. The guy responsible for nearly 3,000 counts of homicide remains at large. Soldiers are being buried every week, and what's at the top of the agenda? Making sure that Harold and Billy can't get married. Whew!

Bush is going to run with a certain strength. He is a charming fellow who sure did hit his stride that sad morning when he stood in the rubble of the World Trade Center and told the nation the criminals who killed so many would soon hear from us. Unfortunately, the effort has either lagged or he has been incapable of explaining exactly what the deal is today.

So wouldn't it be wonderful to hear the guy chosen to run against him, probably John Kerry, speak English to the situation? What do you figure the reaction would be if Kerry landed in New York tomorrow morning and said something like this?

"George Bush is a nice guy. You'd love watching a ballgame with him. His problem is he doesn't know how to hunt and kill our enemies efficiently. I do.

"Maybe he's worried about the wrong things. We have a world filled with fanatics who want to kill us. The truth is we have to kill them before they kill any more of us. Bush can't do it. The reason is obvious. He's too preoccupied with gay sex.

"And by the way, I won't be wasting your time telling you I'm going to get rid of 'the special interests.' It's an impossible task. We've spent two decades allowing everyone and everything to become part of some 'special interest.' Nobody can change that in the few years a President has in office. But here is what I can do better than the other guy can: Kill our enemies faster. Get other countries to help fight this fight alongside us. Make sure you have a good health plan, better schools and decent jobs in growing areas of our own economy. Plus, I'll try not to kid you or myself about what can and cannot be accomplished. Thanks for listening."

Of course, that speech won't be given. Too bad, because if John Kerry or anyone else gave it, I bet they wouldn't worry about counting the votes. They'd have to weigh them instead.


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