'I want to die with you,' Jackie Kennedy told husband during Cuban missile crisis

Video: Tapes reveal Jackie Kennedy’s candid thoughts

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   >>> we are back now with the voice of former first lady of the united states jacquelyn kennedy recorded and kept secret for decades until now. jackie kennedy was famously private, unlike even minor celebrities today she never wrote a memoir. shortly after the assassination of her husband, the president, she sat down with a historian and spoke with candor about her husband and other things of the era. it is part of the book. on friday oop oop of we purchased a copy we shared early excerpts with you. tonight on what would have been their 58th wedding anniversary . andrea mitchell has more.

   >> reporter: she was still in what her daughter described as the extreme stages of grief, speaking publically only once.

   >> the knowledge of the affection in which my husband was held by all of you has sustained me.

   >> reporter: while famously private, the young widow sat down and secretly recorded her most personal thoughts for posterity.

   >> it's just not as simple as it sounds.

   >> reporter: in sharp contrast to the formal white house guide.

   >> i think every first lady should do something to help the things she cares about.

   >> reporter: this jackie kennedy paints an intimate family portrait . jfk kneeling at the end of the bed to say his prayers, something she described as childish and sweet. the president crying over the bay of pigs fiasco and dismissing lyndon johnson , his successor.

   >> bobby told me this later and i know jack said it to me sometimes. he said, oh, god, can you ever imagine what would happen to the country if lyndon was president. so many times he'd say if there was ever a problem.

   >> reporter: also influenced by this call a month after her husband's death two days before christmas, 1963 .

   >> i hope that you are doing all right.

   >> oh, i'm doing fine. thank you.

   >> you know how much we love you. you have a good christmas, dear.

   >> thank you. the same to you.

   >> good night.

   >> reporter: hours later she learned he was showing off for a room full of reporters. other snapshots. remember show she charme eed the french president ?

   >> i accompanied her.

   >> reporter: in private she called degalle an egomaniac and martin luther king , jr., phony. dr. king was overheard making crude comments about jackie kennedy kissing her husband's casket on the day of the funeral.

   >> in politics, things do change quickly. jack would never -- he would often say -- never get in anything so deep that you have lost all chance of conciliation.

   >> reporter: the most poignant moments are about family. a 3-year-old john, jr., is asked what happened to your father. he answers, he's gone to heaven. and jackie describes pleading with her husband not to evacuate the family to camp david , telling him she wants to die with him rather than live without him. andrea mitchell , nbc news, washington.

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