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updated 5/3/2013 3:19:22 PM ET 2013-05-03T19:19:22

The news media love to talk about Tony Stark, aka Iron Man — at least in his world.

The movie “Iron Man 2” features cameos of real-world pundits like Bill O’Reilly and Christiane Amanpour raking the self-described “millionaire genius playboy philanthropist” over the coals on national television.

That got us wondering: How would Tony Stark fare in the real world’s quick-hit, sensation-driven online news culture? Here are a few of our best guesses:

New York Post
Stark, Raving Mad? Hard-drinking superhero’s latest bender puts a dent in his armor
Every time Stark hosts a party, Page 6 reports that he’s “finally” gone off his rocker.

The New Yorker
Through a Glass Starkly: Reëvaluating the Most Controversial Avenger
“I wait two hours before Mr. Stark shows up, with a spring in his step and a cowlick in his hair. The jaunty smile freezes on his face when I try to hand him my business card. ‘I don’t like being handed things,’ he tells me.”

Vice
We're With Tony Stark Right Now, Suckers!
Vice is hanging out with the world's baddest billionaire, and they want you to know about it, even if Tony himself would rather keep it on the DL…

Fox News
Why Stark Industries is the New Solyndra
Pepper was furious at the comparison between her company and the failed tech giant, calling Fox’s coverage “fearmongering.” Justin Hammer retweeted it so many times that Twitter suspended his account.

People
"He’s Done Everything and Everyone": Stark Industries’ CEO Virginia “Pepper” Potts Speaks Out About Her Former Boss
Pepper wanted to talk about her five-year plan for the company. That wasn’t quite the angle People was interested in covering.

Buzzfeed
32 Cats That Look Like Tony ‘Iron Man’ Stark
When he pees in his suit he looks a little bit like Grumpy Cat.

Jezebel
Your Boyfriend Tony Stark Probably Has a Zillion STDs.
Jezebel pretends that it's only “ironically” obsessed with Tony Stark. No pun intended.

LAPTOP
Face-Off! Iron Man vs. Samsung Galaxy S4
Which one has the better battery life? The answer might surprise you.

Ars Technica
The ‘New Element’ that Powers Tony Stark’s ‘Iron Man’ Suit Shouldn’t Be Physically Possible
They don’t understand why more people aren’t upset about this.

Salon
Why Privatized World Peace is a Terrible Idea: It’s time to come out of your overprivileged capitalist bubble, Mr. Stark
Even if he was joking, the liberal watchdogs at Salon don’t think privatized anything is funny.

Businessweek
At Stark Industries, Scandal Sells Just As Well As Soldier Suits
Businessmen-turned-celebrities aren't anything new, but no one does the handsome, self-destructive genius quite like Tony Stark does.

The Mary Sue
Which of the Starks in Winterfell is most like Tony?
They’ll try to tell you it’s Arya, but we all know Rickon’s going to grow up to be a lady-killer.

Slate
Iron Citizens: How Techno-Libertarian Tony Stark Could Save Democracy
The conventional wisdom about Tony Stark is false, but not for the reasons you think.

LiveScience
Tony Stark’s 10 Hottest Scientific Achievements
They got the recipe for that disgusting sludge juice. Now you, too, can reverse palladium poisoning from your own kitchen!

SPACE.com
How Stark Industries Will Save Manned Spaceflight
His rocket technology has promise, but hurling a nuclear bomb through a dimensional rift at a violent alien race might create problems down the road.

Email jscharr@technewsdaily.comor follow her @JillScharr. Follow us@TechNewsDaily, onFacebookor on Google+.

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