Essay
I believe that personal satisfaction, through giving, and providing your best effort, has a greater and more rewarding outcome over gaining wealth or fame. This is evident through many public examples of people who are known to our society, as "celebrities" stooping to a standard of drug reliance and materialism. It seems to me that people who have achieved the money and achieved the fame are never quire satisfied with themselves or the situation they are in. Although many people are based on financial stature, there are also many groups or individuals that are based on goals more helpful to our society as a whole.

People who are involved in an organization such as the make-a-wish foundation and Habitat for Humanity are working towards a common goal of giving others opportunities, and changes they wouldn't normally have. These foundations are non-profit, and work with and around our communities to help advance and improve the lives of others. People who do these projects and strive for the betterment of others are not doing it for themselves, for the money, or for the recognition. They are doing it whole heartedly, without complaint.

To me, people who don't think of what benefits or rewards they will reap are truly the ones obtaining the most righteous self-achievement. Through their actions and beliefs, I undoubtedly believe that these people are gaining the happiness and fulfillment that even the richest or most famous people wish they had. When you go into a project or any type of action not expecting anything back, the things you do will be paid back to you ten-fold in the grand scheme of things. Doing that action, or job, or project, whatever it may be, to the best of your ability will give you a sense of accomplishment like no other because of the amount of effort and giving you put forth. It is too bad people or groups like this aren't recognized as much as a person who wins a game show or is in a movie.

Why this essay received a score of 5
This focused essay demonstrates strong critical thinking and effectively develops its point of view ("I believe that personal satisfaction, through giving, and providing your best effort, has a greater and more rewarding outcome over gaining wealth or fame") by offering a well organized progression of ideas detailing the motivations of and benefits for groups such as "the make-a-wish foundation and Habitat for Humanity," who "help advance and improve the lives of others." Additional focus is provided at the essay's opening and closing by comparing these groups to "many public examples of ... 'celebrities' stooping to a standard of drug reliance and materialism" because they "are never quite satisfied with themselves or the situation they are in." The response also exhibits facility in the use of language and variety in sentence structure ("People who do these projects and strive for the betterment of others are not doing it for themselves, for the money, or for the recognition. They are doing it whole heartedly without complaint"). Some lapses in the specificity of support prevent the response from earning a higher score. Therefore, to merit a score of 6, this essay needs to provide additional detailed evidence to more evenly and insightfully develop the point of view. Overall, this response exhibits reasonably consistent mastery and receives a score of 5.

Source: The College Board

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