March 4, 2005 | 5:43 p.m. ET

Earth to Dan (Monica Crowley)

The 'Connected' show has focusing a lot on Martha Stewart. I've talked about how annoyed I am at the fact that she's out now— and showing absolutely no shame. But I have to bring your attention to someone else who “also” apparently doesn't get it.

Next week Dan rather signs off as the anchor of the CBS evening news.

His departure comes after the scandal over CBS' reporting on President Bush's national guard service.

CBS' story started falling apart when experts questioned the legitimacy of documents supposedly written by President Bush's guard commander. Rather and CBS stood by the story for days— but then Dan had to go on the air and eat crow.

Dan said he's sorry— but is he really?

Not from where I sit!

He continues to say that the documents haven't been proven to be phoney— even though everyone and their mother knows they were. And after watching him on last night's Letterman show , it's clearer to me than ever that he still doesn't get it.

Earth to Dan Rather! The documents were fakes. It doesn't matter how much you think the president got away with something way back then—the evidence you “thought” you had was phoney. You got suckered.

Do us all a favor: Please own up to it once and for all, and stop blaming others for your sloppiness!


The guest on this segment (to counterpoint) was Eric Alterman, who has a blog on Click here to check it out.

Your e-mails

Oh Monica, get a life-everybody knows the story is true (President Bush's dereliction of duty during his guard service)— the only question is whether or not Dan Rather was fed false documents.  —Jennifer R.

I, for one, am sorry to see Dan Rather retire.  Dan made a mistake, and he admitted it.  Dan trusted a source, and documents turned out to be false.  But no one died over it. Mr. Bush also trusted documents claiming WMDs, and started a war.  Over 1,500 American have died.  So why do you still trust him?  —Phyllis, Reno, Nev.

5:25 p.m. ET

Too much Martha coverage? (Ron Reagan)

Stewart's beginning her home confinement under the watch of federal authorities— as well as a throng of reporters— to whom she sent hot cocoa earlier today. In the meantime, the media seems intent on serving up all things Martha.

By now, unless you've been living under rock, you're fully aware that for the mainstream media, today's top news story is all about Martha.

Despite the war on terrorism, the conflict in the Middle East and other news that may actually have an impact on your life, the news we've been seeing lately seems to have taken a softer side.

It's a trend that looks alarmingly like the summer of 2001: The summer of Chandra and sharks.

But in the wake of 9/11, news organizations promised to go hard with their news. And they did... for awhile.

According to the program for excellence in journalism— in the weeks after 9/11, 80 percent of the evening news stories concerned government, national or international affairs— subjects considered by the organization to be traditional hard news stories.

But by January 2002, less than half of the evening news and only a quarter of the morning shows  focused on traditional hard news subjects.

Is the media giving viewers what they want at the expense of news they need? Or are we just mad about Martha?

Viewer e-mails

I, for one, am sick and tired of Martha, Jacko, Kobe, and any other "celebrity" of the moment that serve as smokescreens for the real issues that need to be covered on the news. This garbage is NOT news. Enough already! —Brian Osborn, Neb.

The interest in Martha Stewart is not without political implications. Many feel she was the sacrificial lamb to take attention from the fact that Ken Lay, President Bush's CEO pal from Enron is still walking around free as a bird. —Joann, Las Vegas. Nev.

When it comes to news. Why does all news org. get ahold of a story and drive it untill it becomes sickning to the public. It's like there is no other happenings in the world. Where does all these experts come from? Is there a giant pool of experts on all subjects laying around to be called upon? Does a event ever happen where you have to go without an expert and just report the news story. Hoping that we the public can understand the story. —Ray Carlton, Belvedere, Ill.

I think that the media has a duty to report all of the news. Be it celebrity and gossip news or hard news, America has to know. However, when local and network news stations dwell and over-cover the stories, it gets annoying and boring. The details of the news should be told and then move on. Why do you think Fox News, unfortunately, is the leader? Because their coverage is quick. —Rob Kroeger, Bedford, N.H.

Martha, Martha, Martha!  Can we just erase that name from the English language?  You can sum-up the Martha media frenzy in two words... Who cares? —Ellen, Aurora, Ill.

Today's headlines are as always easy.  It's easier and more pleasant and definitely safer to stake out Martha's estate than Baghdad.  Probably the light is better too. —Kay Gangol, San Antonio, Tex.

Tired of Martha?  Maybe! But I would prefer to hear about Martha than Michael Jackson... so keep up the Martha stories. —Courtney, Lafayette, La.

March 4, 2005 | 12:57 p.m. ET

A president multi-tasks (Monica Crowley)

Here's a job description for you: 

Wanted:  Leader of the Free World.  Must know everything about Everything:  terrorism, global politics, diplomacy, weapons systems, military policy, education policy, wetlands, economics, tax policy, health care, multinational corporations, running gigantic bureaucracies, urban planning, farm policy, Social Security, and job creation, among many other things. Candidate for job must have thick skin and nerves of steel, since criticism of said job will be relentless.  Must also be able to deal with levels of stress beyond human comprehension, must play well with others, dial a red phone in a crisis, and operate on four hours of sleep per night.  All for a couple of hundred thousand bucks a year. 

The presidency of the United States is, bar none, the toughest job in the world. First and foremost, the president is responsible for the security of 280 million Americans every single moment of every day.  Beyond that, he has to make sure that the country is functioning efficiently on every level.  In other words, the president has to be the ultimate multi-tasker. 

Of course, you would never know that from reading and watching the mainstream media.  The elites in the press seem to think that the president should be focused on one subject at a time.  Here's a recent headline from the Washington Post: “Bin Laden Reappears on Bush's Agenda, President Makes Rare Mention of Terrorist.” 

As if to suggest that Bush hasn't had Bin Laden on the brain 24/7 since September 11.  Please. 

Just because President Bush hasn't mentioned Bin Laden's name out loud recently doesn't mean he's not doing the best he can to track him down and deliver some American justice.
If the president listened to the mainstream press, he would be tackling issues on a county by county basis, so by this point in his presidency, he's be done dealing with about, hmmm, 3 states. 

Presidents cannot do "one subject at a time." They've got to do a thousand things at once, sometimes when they are incongruent, like ordering military action one place and diplomacy somewhere else. The president walks and chews gum at the same time. Got that, media elite? 

And while I'm on the subject, you guys in the elite press should be taking notes about multi-tasking from the president, since YOU only seem able one thing, and that's beating the drum against him.  Maybe you could try doing a few other things, once in a while.


March 4, 2005 | 12:48 p.m. ET

Not-so-small change: New rap wars (Ron Reagan)

While it's not yet in my I-pod right now rapper 50 cent is back on top of the music charts after yesterday's release of his new album.

But he's also making headlines for an escalating feud with a former protege. Rap insiders say trouble has been brewing for weeks between Fifty, whose real name is Curtis Jackson and Jayceon Taylor, known as “The Game.”

The feud boiled over into violence earlier this week.

During a radio appearance in New York, 50 Cent made disparaging remarks about The Game and announced he was kicking him out of rap crew.

The Game showed up outside the station with members of his posse and confronted members of 50 cent's entourage.

Gunshots were fired and a member of The Game's crew was taken to the hospital with a gunshot wound to the thigh. Not long after the shooting the facade of 50 Cent's management company was sprayed with bullets. Click here to read more .

But is it really down with it to have so much violence in a music genre that is now mainstream?

12:23 p.m. ET

12:19 p.m. ET

Social distortion (Ron Reagan)

It's been quite a week for Republicans.

They've returned to Capitol hill Monday, after days of hearing from constituents worried about proposed Social Security reform. Then came news that Senate Leader Bill Frist was suggesting the reform vote be put off: by “a week, a month, six months or a year.”

And then a flip-flop. Frist retracted his statement yesterday on the Senate floor,”We need to do it this year— not next year, but this year.”  But GOP lawmakers seem less than united on this private accounts plan.

Now the big question: Can Democrats, lacking a strong leader and agenda take advantage of this chink in the Republican armor?

Last night, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid and 41 other Democrats sent a letter to the president, unified in their belief that private accounts isn't the way to go.

But party unity is still hard to come by. House leader Nancy Pelosi wants congressional focused shifted to another  issue:  “Frankly, I think we should address Medicare. I don't know why the president isn't doing that.”

And the GOP says Democrats still need to come up with  alternatives to the private accounts.

With President Bush embarking today on a 60-day national campaign to promote reform…  the Democrats better open their eyes and ears and promote something of their own.

Your thoughts

Not privatizing Social Security does not in any way keep people from taking an involved role in preparing for their own retirement.  Many companies and organizations offer pension plans which permit employees to manage their own personal accounts and nearly everyone with an income has the right to invest and save their money as they see fit.  How can Social Security fulfill its role as the one source of retirement income that is not tied to the risks of the stock market and other investment markets? — Zehner, PA

The Republican party nor the President seem to understand that the reason senior citizens as a whole are so against this move is not that we are worried about what we will draw in funds but what will be there for our children. — Anonymous

The average retiree today should have $2-$3 million dollars worth of income producing assets in order to live a comfortable life in retirement.

Social Security, was never designed to provide such amounts, and never will. The fraud in Social Security comes from Congress (both parties) trying to develop and maintain a permanent class of poor Americans who will be totally dependent upon the Federal Government. — Greg Shellard Hardy, Arkansas

Everyone knows that investment in the markets is risky.  Why would the president put forth a plan where the only guaranteed benefit is to brokers? — Mark Johnson, Webster, NY

Monica keeps calling Social Security an entitlement plan, as if that makes it inherently evil. The fact it, it's not an entitlement plan. It's a modified savings plan. The vast majority of recipients pay into it. They should expect to get their money back. Private accounts are not the answer. Raising taxes, cutting benefits, or taking away from other programs are the only solutions, and Bush is unwilling to face that reality.  —John C., New York, N.Y.

With the near future problems with Medicare, why are we not trying to fix it first? —Fran Olszta, Beloit, Wis.

If the idea of privitization is such a great idea why does it require a 60 city tour to 'sell' the idea. You'd think it would stand on it's own if it's so great. —Donald Schulze, Tacoma, Wash.

I just don't understand what more the Democrats expect from the President. 
Instead of hiding from the obvious problems with the Social Security system, he has faced the issue head on.  He has repeated time and time again that every option is on the table, he'll listen to any and everyone who wants to work together to create a solution.  That is the epitome of open-mindedness and williness to work together.  Instead, we get complete obstruction from the Democrats who don't even want to participate. —Joseph C.

This Social Security "crisis" is yet another scheme to line the pockets of Republicans while they are in power.   Trying to back Democrats into a corner by saying they have to come up with a plan is a trick to put them on the defensive. This was Mr. Bush's grand idea, let him do the explaining.  —Patty, Columbus, Ohio

March 3, 2005 | 5:56 p.m. ET

Interactive baseball not such a good idea (Ron Reagan)

You've gotta hand it to the Japanese: They're masters at taking someone else's ideas and improving them. Their skill and ingenuity has raised the quality bar for many everyday items. Thanks to Japanese engineers, radios got truly portable, cell phones can practically do the laundry and take out the trash, and soon we'll be driving affordable hybrid cars that'll take you to Mars and back on a tank of gas.

But it's possible to get carried away with one's flair for tinkering— to take things too far.

The Japanese long ago embraced with a passion our national pastime of baseball. But concern is growing in the land of the rising sun. Naturally, as is their way, the Japanese are considering improvements to the sport— and we're not talking more slap-hitting, right-field phenoms like Ichiro Suzuki.

Uh-oh. We've been down this “improving” road before here in the States. Two words: designated hitter.

And I'm not even going to get into those polyester uniforms from the '80s that teams like the Houston Astros used to wear. Talk about winning ugly!

This being the Internet age, the Japanese plans for baseball, perhaps inevitably, involve interactivity— in this case, that's computer-geek for "sticking your nose where it doesn't belong."

Ours being a global society, the danger is that these changes could migrate back here.

One idea involves leaving decisions about yanking struggling pitchers to the fans who would vote online. Great idea! Changing pitchers is one of the most delicate decisions a manager faces. Why not leave it to a committee of thousands of drunken, rowdy know-it-alls?

I'm sure Joe Torre would go for that. Roger Clemens too. You want to be responsible for pulling Clemens? Better hope they duct tape him to the training table till he cools off— or he'll be coming after you like you're Mike Piazza.

The other big idea involves cameras: in the dugout, in the clubhouse, and, get this, in the locker room. Because nothing says appointment television like a pile of sweaty jock-straps.

Now, Barry Bond's torso may be a work of art—or science— but do you really want to get up close and personal with David Wells'  naked behind? Didn't think so. Even the Japanese might draw the line there... and these are people who've been known to buy used panties from street-corner vending machines.

Of course, things could cut both ways. I've got some ideas about spicing up Sumo wrestling. I'm thinking spandex… yards and yards of shiny spandex.

March 3, 2005 | 5:34 p.m. ET

Martha cashes in (Monica Crowley)


The 63-year-old domestic diva and convicted felon has completed her five-month sentence at “Camp Cupcake,” and is set to begin her new life.

Martha is saying she will come back from this: She's reformed, rehabilitated, and ready to cash-in.

Since her sentencing last July, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia stock has quadrupled. Her “Bernhardt” furniture line is selling so fast, they had to double the size of the factory. And with the upcoming K-mart and Sears merger, sales of her “Everyday Living” housewares are expected to soar.

She's even signed a deal to launch, not one, but two television shows on NBC, teaming with reality TV guru Mark Burnett for an "Apprentice" spin-off and a daytime talk show on NBC.

And even though Stewart will be serving five months under house arrest at her estate in Bedford, New York— she'll still get to leave the estate 48 hours a week, to go to the office, TV studio, and apparently, the bank.

Sounds almost criminal— doesn't it?

Your e-mails

Lock up the children and call the bodyguards! Martha is out and the world is no longer safe. Please! It all began with an immoral government in the first place. —James King, St. Charles, Ill.

Sorry Monica, while most of the time I'm on your side, this time, I'm not. I think Martha was used to make a point and to feather some D.A.'s political resume! —Gary, Park Hill, Okla.

The only reason Martha stewart went through this ordeal is only because she is a woman. Ken Lay hasn't even seen a jail cell and he did something a lot worse then her, shame on the SEC. —Heather Knowles, Kankakee, Ill.

If I start a business that's successful, and I then get arrested but in the interim I give my brother control of that business while I'm away, should I not be allowed to retake control of my company when I am freed?  Martha has built an empire that was able to survive her stint in prison and the TV shows are spinoffs of that empire.  —Stephen, Chicago Ill.

Of course there is a difference between the opportunities available to released felons... and wealth plays a big part of it. There is a difference between justice for the poor and justice for the wealthy. O.J. was able to buy his acquittal,  even though he should have been convicted.  Martha, on the other hand, as Mr. Liddy states, should never have been convicted and should never have spent a single day in prison.  She has become a martyr of sorts and the public stands behind this miscarriage of justice.  O.J. has been rightfully vilified by the public and has been unable to obtain any type of meaningful endorsements. —John Brobst, Calimesa, Calif.

I just drove by Martha's and they have put up a huge orange coil around the telephone poll and some sort of monitoring device outside her property... not to mention they have blocked off the public road to all. She really has some nerve... I don't care how much she is worth. Keep up the good work. It is about character and integrity of which Martha has none. —M

OK, are the two women being deliberately dense or are they part of the population that couldn't stand Martha Stewart before she got railroaded? It is simple. The American public rallied behind Stewart and will continue to do so because the good Republicans have given Ken Lay a free pass. —Lynda

Hey... ask the guy who has Isnt HE making money off people doing bad behavior?  He said she shouldn't make money and have more notoriety. —Anonymous

Martha Stewart Websites

March 3, 2005 | 12:58 p.m. ET

Las Vegas mayor endorses gin and drinking to school kids (Monica Crowley)

Las Vegas is called Sin City for a reason.  The last real frontier town in America is still famous— or should I say infamous— for gambling, real-life gangsters, scantily clad women and men, brothels, quickie weddings, and even quicker divorces.

So I guess it comes as no surprise that Vegas has a mayor who just endorsed gin to fourth graders. 

Yes, Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman made a visit to the Mackey Elementary School to read to a group of 85 fourth grade students.  During a question and answer period, one 9-year old asked Goodman what he'd bring with him if he were marooned on a desert island.  His response? Gin.

And when another student quizzed Goodman about what he likes to do during his downtime, his response? Drinking.

It didn't take long for the press to pounce in his comments, but Goodman was unapologetic:  “I'm the George Washington of Mayors.  I can't tell a lie,” he said.  “If they didn't want the answer, the kid shouldn't have asked the question.  It's me.  What can I do?”

What can he do?  Well, he can start by exercising better judgment when dealing with young children.  You don't tell a bunch of 9-year-olds that gin is your lifeline and that your hobby is imbibing adult beverages!

The principal of the school seemed relieved that the kids didn't appear to be all that focused on the mayor's comments:  “No one laughed,” she said.  “I think it just went over their heads. And when someone talks about drinking, they think 'juice' anyway.”

Well, the kids may have been thinking “juice,” but the mayor had gin on the brain.  In 2002, he became an official spokesman for Bombay Sapphire gin, his personal favorite.  I guess he was trying to drum up early business for Bombay by pitching their product to 9-year-olds. 
Goodman, for his part, says he doesn't care what anybody thinks of him or his booze-soaked comments.  He did admit, though, that his wife was annoyed that he'd rather have a bottle of gin with him on a deserted island than her.  Sounds like she could be thinking about one of those quickie Vegas divorces.

They say that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But the mayor proved that what is said in Vegas can get broadcast all over the world— especially when the Mayor has made a horse's behind out of himself.


March 3, 2005 | 12:51 p.m. ET

Heated rhetoric (Monica Crowley)

There was a time when this country's politicians were admired for their etiquette and decorum. But  that was then. Things aren't so tranquil Capitol Hill these days— the legislators charged with insuring our pursuit of happiness are openly unhappy with each other.  Somewhere between the good old days of gentility and the political reality of today, things have gotten, well, a little less courteous.

It's been building for a while. Maybe it began when Republican House leader Dick Armey called openly gay Massachusetts Rep. Barney Frank “barney fag” back in 1995. Or when Democratic Minority Leader, Harry Reid kicked off his tenure in December by calling Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas an “embarrassment,” who writes “poorly” besides.  Or maybe it was when Vice President Dick Cheney infamously told Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy to “f-off” after a confrontational exchange during a Senate photo-op.

The latest Democratic complaints are over Nevada Republican Jim Gibbons, who vocalized blistering contempt for Hollywood's left during at a dinner in his home state last week, saying things like, “I say we tell those liberal, tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing hippies, tie-dyed liberals to go make their movies and their music and whine somewhere else.”

And the Republicans always have a target in senior Democratic Senator Robert Byrd.

He actually compared a Republican plan to block Democratic filibusters to Hitler's abuse of power in Nazi Germany, saying, “Hitler never abandoned the cloak of legality. He recognized the enormous psychological value of having the law on his side.”

It seems like the politicians are out of control. These politicians are representing the people, and they should be held to a higher standard.

What do you think? Your e-mails so far:

The problem you discussed is only going to get worse. Much of it comes from the schools. My generation (I'm 66) learned how to be good citizens in 7th & 8th grade Civics class. There we learned the art of civil discourse -- how to disagree on issues of general interest to the citizenry without being disagreeable. Nowadays, teachers have their students write hate mail to the president and even to soldiers in Iraq (as the 6th grade teacher in NYC recently did.) They are teaching our young 'ens to be mean-spirited in their civil discourse. —Jane K., Titusville, Fla.

Dan is the perfect example of  the problem.  When ask a simple question he immediately goes off on a tirate against Democrats with such a hateful vengence that it is no wonder that angry people feel justified in mirroring that hate and anger. — Nancy, Springfield, Ohio

What is amusing to me is Democrats will cast stones about the VP using the F word and yet I hear Dems and Libs dropping so many F bombs daily where I work, it's amazing they consider themselves "anti-war." —Steve, Buffalo

If the liberals are the only hate filled, mean spirited people on talk radio, what would you classify the spew coming from the mouths of Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Michael Savage, Michelle Malkin, and on and on and on?  I am still laughing. —Rae Ann Turcer, Fremont, Calif.

All Senator Byrd was doing when he talked about Hitler, was to show how the Republicans in the House and Senate, are maniputlating the rules to keep the minority out of the loop.  Hitler did the same thing when he did it to Germany.  Byrd hit the nail on the head and the Republicans know it.  —Ralph, Altamonte Springs, Fla.

12:26 p.m. ET

Dems fighting for the South (Ron Reagan)

Howard Dean has made taking back the South the main goal of the Democratic party... saying at a fundraiser Tuesday night. “The South will rise again, and when it does, it will have a ‘D' in its name.”

Not one Southern state went blue on election night... but that wasn't always the case.

There was a time when the south belonged to the Democrats. Now many southerners line themselves with Republicans moral and military might. Dean says the cure is in core values ... like strong schools and health care.

But with Southern states redder than Jeff Foxworthy's neck...  it's a tough road ahead for the DNC's newest southern man.

What do you think? Do Democrats have a chance in the South? Southerners are already writing in:

Alabma is not all Republicans! Howard Dean is right— Democrats will rise up again and we are Christians! Twinkle needs to get back to her Tweenkies!  Come on Howard Dean we WANT YOU here.  Alabama has been written off for too many years - I had to call a cousin in Washington State to get bumper stickers for Kerry.   —Buddie Watson King, Birmingham, Ala.

How is the soft bigotry of the Republican message against "New England liberals" any different than that which has maintained the Southern Strategy from the beginning? Or any different than dismissing someone categorically as a "Southern Black," or a "Western Mormon," or a "Southwest Indian." If they are worried about Dean's attitude toward guns, they shouldn't be. He's made it clear he wants the votes of "Southerners with gun racks in their trucks" already... —John

As a Democrat from texas, i'm tired of trying to get the Southern vote. Last time I checked, Ohio was not in the South, and without Ken Blackwells' antics, Kerry would be in the White House. —Rodney, Garland, Tex.

Dean is as liberal as Clinton is and that's not near liberal enough for me. It amazes me how people like Twinkle spew so much venom when they are running scared. —Richard Cooper, San Antonio, Tex.

Montgomery County, Al is blue.  We have the DA, sheriff, and two new family court judges. The Republicans have religious fanatics that want to blow the constitution out of the water and racists with their Confederate Flags raised.  The use racism and now gay bashing to promote their party through hate.  It really worked for them in Ga a few years ago. —Julia Summers, Montgomery, Ala.

Living in Mississippi I can assure you that I am not threaten one bit about Dean's arrival in Jackson. in fact I hope he hangs around awhile so the "moderate" uncommitted can hear the "I hate" negativism so they will commit. This conservative supports Dean and his hate speech, wholeheartedly. —Barry Wood, Southaven,  Miss.

As a college student I can say that even the "young liberal students" in the South are still conservative.  In the election I can only list off on one hand the number of students who voted for Kerry.  Young Southerners support our military viciously, reject pushes for gay marriage, and oppose abortion.  I feel that Twinkle was right: recent action by the Democratic party makes the Republicans look more and more appealing. —TJ, Boone, N.C.

March 2, 2005 | 5:57 p.m. ET

Why no one should be a cell phone driver (Ron Reagan)

You're driving down the highway, hands on the wheel, eyes on the road, when you're suddenly confronted by another driver behaving strangely.

It's not that they're driving recklessly exactly—they seem more... oblivious. You pull alongside and, sure enough, they're talking on a cell phone.

Sound familiar? Of course it does.

According to the National Traffic Safety Administration, 8 percent of U.S. drivers now use their phones behind the wheel.

At the same time, new studies indicate that chatty drivers are about as safe as drunks. That adds up to 1.2 million accidents waiting to happen. Given that, it seems obvious... there ought to be a law.

“Whoa!” You say. “Hang on.  These phones are mobile for a reason—  this is what they're designed for.”

That's right, and your car was designed to plough into the back of my car when you're busy checking your messages.

“Ron, Ron, Ron, what you fail to appreciate is that I've got one of these fancy, hands-free rigs with the headset. So, no problem, got it covered.”

Well, here's a news flash, it's not your hands we're worried about; it's the part of you that's supposed to be paying attention. Look around once in a while. Notice how, often as not, the only things separating you from oncoming traffic are a couple of painted lines. They're doing 60; you're doing 60. Do the math! Think your headset will survive a 120 mile per hour collision? How about your head?

Besides, those headsets, the ones that lead others to believe you're having an animated conversation with an imaginary friend? They make you look like a crazy person.
“Ok, ok, you say, most people probably shouldn't phone and drive at the same time. But me, I'm responsible. I can handle it.”

That's right, you're special. You're the kind of person who can knock back tequila shooters all night and still be perfectly safe on the road.

And my dog can play the entire B-side of abbey road on the kazoo.

Last line of defense: “Hey, I'm an important, busy, 24/7 executive type; I get a lot of business done in the car.”

Well, you keep telling yourself that as you sail through your windshield.

Here's the good news: Where your going, you'll have plenty of time to make calls. The downside? The reception's lousy down there... and those roaming charges!



Discussion comments