Why do some men like to be called "daddy" in bed? Any advice for a woman who's mind wonders too far afield during love-making? Sexploration answers your queries. Have an intimate question? To e-mail us, click here. He'll tackle select questions in future columns.
Q: I'm a 37-year-old divorced man in Dallas who is now happily engaged to be married to a 25-year-old beautiful woman. For years, I've had a fetish for being called “daddy” during sex. It's a huge turn-on. It would not matter if the woman was older or younger than me. Where does this stem from and how healthy is it?
A: Ever wonder why so many guys are called “daddy”? There’s drag racer Big Daddy Don Garlits, music stars Puff Daddy (or is it P. Diddy, now?) and Big Daddy Kane, Burl Ives as Big Daddy in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," and a couple hundred owners of shrimp shacks and bars with some version of “daddy” in their names.
There was a time (somewhere, long ago), when daddys were considered powerful, respected, competent. Hearing “daddy” during sex is like receiving this old-time admiration in surround sound.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the fantasy as long as she doesn’t mind doing it for you.
Still, too many “daddy” requests could crowd out other sexy talk, including some that might turn her on, like calling you “Chester,” the unsuspecting, squeaky-voiced, 16-year-old neighbor boy she hired to paint the garage door, then delivered lemonade to while wearing fishnets and a mini-skirt.
Fantasies are a two-way street, daddy-o.
That reminds me. We need bananas.
Q: I have a hard time concentrating. If my husband and I are making love, I tend to think of all I have to do around the house or I will think about things at work that need to be done. And before you know it, my husband is done. What can I do to keep my mind on track?
A: The poor guy is working away, and you’re making a grocery list? Ouch.
May I suggest foreplay? You’ve heard of this, yes? By foreplay I don’t mean three obligatory kisses, one breast stroke, one penis squeeze and then down to business.
Take time. Turn TVs off. Put some John Coltrane on the CD player.
Start a conversation but leave work, household obligations and kids out of it. How about where you’d like to go on your next vacation, or plans for a nice dinner out, or something fantastic like how great it would be to fly your own private jet and where you’d take it? Touch each other. Hold hands. Kiss. Ask him to massage your neck.
If this is sounding like dating, well, you weren’t thinking of dust bunnies when you were first boinking him, were you?
Within an hour, you should be thinking about you, him, the No. 4 bus and the resulting scandal.
If this doesn’t work, hire a maid.
Condoms for all shapes and sizes
Q: Was the condom ever really meant for males with intact foreskins? I am uncircumcised and gave up on using condoms early on in my sex life because my foreskin always seemed to create a problem when trying to apply a condom before sex and then trying to keep it on during sex.
A: As anybody who’s seen old military “health” films from the 1940s (made when most gentiles were not circumcised), condoms were definitely meant for all men, circumcised or not.
According to Stephen Coulter, vice president of research and development for Church & Dwight, makers of Trojan brand condoms, you should be sure to retract the foreskin, then put on the condom. “It’s that simple,” Coulter says.
About this business of it slipping off: You aren’t using the “Magnum” size when you’re really a snub-nose .38, are you? You know, trying to show off? Making sure she sees the label? If so, big boy, try regular.
Brian Alexander is a California-based writer who covers sex, relationships and health. He is a contributing editor at Glamour and the author of "Rapture: How Biotech Became the New Religion" (Basic Books).
Sexploration appears every other Thursday.