A mistletoe drone carried out a "love raid" in San Francisco's Union Square recently, and several couples were spotted canoodling under the flying twigs. But America's heart truly belongs to Bacon Drone, says one British gent, whose jury-rigged tricopter can carry and deliver a full English Breakfast: bacon, egg, sausage, mushroom, ketchup included.
Joel Veitch, who built the flying breakfast table from sticks, tape, and coat hangers, describes his accomplishment as a "breakthrough moment for humanity." He successfully test-flew his craft in an open field in early December.
He urges the mistletoe drone to enjoy its moment of popularity as the holiday season approaches. "His mission to spread love and festive cheer will certainly endear him to the masses," Veitch wrote to NBC News in an email.
But his own Bacon Drone will ultimately have lasting influence on the public at large: "The only true source of all bacon, sausage and egg, he will be revered as the cause of all human happiness."
If it came to a throw-down between the two bots, it would be no contest, Veitch insists.
Mistletoe drone enters the ring about two feet off the ground dangling his leaves and waving a pen knife around nervously. A loving couple rush up to kiss beneath him. People cuddle as they watch and a chorus of happy sighs rises in to the chill but clear Christmas air.
Suddenly Bacon Drone screams down from the heavens and with a terrifying BOOM unleashes a fusillade of high velocity breakfast meats. Mistletoe droned disintegrates in a cloud of atomic debris and broken dreams.
The assembled crowd instantly forget their foolish cuddling as bacon fever grips them and a feeding frenzy commences.
All worship Bacon Drone.
That will just be the beginning, Veitch believes. Bacon-mania will grip the country, and then the world.
Gradually all memory of a life before Bacon Drone will fade. As the fleeting human generations flip by like the flickering of a moth's wings a perfect utopia will emerge. All humanity will be united as one beneath the benevolent iron fist of Bacon Drone. All war will be forgotten. All argument will be unthinkable. The world will be perfect.
Nidhi Subbaraman writes about science and technology. You can follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Google+.
First published December 20 2013, 5:13 AM