A year ago, I became the man I thought I always wanted to be. I was 29 and had worked my butt off to reach the C-suite, becoming chief marketing officer of a very successful tech company. I was making good money, owned multiple properties, and had a great home. Most importantly, I had — and, thankfully, still do have — the world’s most intelligent and wonderful wife.
But on the inside I was a broken man. In many ways, a broken boy, deeply scarred by a childhood filled with such relentless bullying at elementary school that my memory has largely blocked out entire years of my early life.
While we’re brought up being told by our parents that it’s “What’s on the inside that counts,” society does an overwhelmingly good job of delivering the opposite message.
The career and the nice things I surrounded myself with were defenses, built unconsciously to protect that young and fragile part of me that hadn’t dealt with my low self-worth. (While we’re brought up being told by our parents that it’s “What’s on the inside that counts,” society does an overwhelmingly good job of delivering the opposite message.)
It was only at this point in my adulthood that I finally realized, and accepted, that something wasn’t right. I had all the external trappings of a great life. I should be happy, I told myself. I should be able to appreciate this and feel good. But I couldn’t. All I could think was: What’s next?
That moment became my wake-up call. So I began working on my mental health. As a result, I’ve become a better man, a better executive and something that once seemed impossible: happy.
I’ve also come to see that my journey can be instructive for ambitious executives who all too often struggle with their own mental health, such as Elon Musk, who has experienced public meltdowns and revealed on Twitter that he endures "unrelenting stress" and "terrible lows".
Experts have long raised concerns about executives, especially in the world of entrepreneurship. A clinical psychologist said many are “hypomanics” who “live on the edge, between normal and abnormal.” The co-founder of a mental health startup explored whether mental illness among CEOs is “a trait or an outcome.”
Get the better newsletter.
But obviously, it isn’t just executives who battle with mental health challenges. The CDC has reported that only about 20 percent of adults with a diagnosable mental disorder or a self-reported mental health condition were getting treatment. “Embarrassment associated with accessing mental health services is one of the many barriers that cause people to hide their symptoms and to prevent them from getting necessary treatment,” the report said.
This problem is especially acute in the workplace. Mentalhelp.net reports that 98 percent of people surveyed say mentally ill people are stigmatized and discriminated against, and the vast majority of employees of all ages are uncomfortable discussing mental health with a current or prospective employer.
I was one of them. I had kept my struggles a secret from everyone I worked with. I was convinced people would look down on me as damaged goods. That I would lose promotions. That competitors might use the information against me.
It was only when I began doing the real work to improve my mental state that I realized other people may have felt the same shame and fear about their mental health.
So as I committed to therapy, I made another big decision: to set my twice weekly appointments on my work calendar to public. When people look for times to meet with me or to book meetings I’m needed at, they see those sessions.