Who says your sex life has to go downhill after you have children. Heidi Raykeil author of 'Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I found my lost libido' shares her tips on how to spice up the love life after you have had children with The Situation's Tucker Carlson.
To read an excerpt from their conversation, continue to the text below. To watch the video, click on the "Launch" button to the right.
TUCKER CARLSON, HOST 'THE SITUATION': Welcome back. Naughty mommy. The words are enough to make a grown man weak. I‘m glad I‘m sitting down as I say it, actually.
So what exactly turns a conventional suburban mom into a naughty sex fiend? Let‘s ask one. Heidi Raykeil is the author of the book, “Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido.” She joins us live from Seattle tonight. Heidi, you look very naughty tonight. Thanks for joining us.
HEIDI RAYKEIL, AUTHOR: I‘m feeling naughty.
CARLSON: OK, that‘s the spirit. Heidi, where did you find your libido? How did you find it?
RAYKEIL: Honestly, it‘s an ongoing battle. But I found it everywhere.
CARLSON: Really? So you had children. I think you had—it sounds like an experience that probably a lot of young mothers have. You have this happy marriage, you know, lots of romance. You have children, the baby arrives, and all of a sudden a screeching halt to the love.
RAYKEIL: Right. Right. There was plenty of love, it was just directed towards my daughter instead of my husband.
CARLSON: Right, I meant love in the most pornographic sense.
RAYKEIL: Yes, of course you did.
CARLSON: So how did you—so what did you do?
RAYKEIL: You know, I didn‘t even really realize there was a problem. It was my husband who brought it to my attention.
CARLSON: Good for him.
RAYKEIL: I didn‘t actually miss not wanting sex. I didn‘t really think about it that much. I mean, I kind of wanted to want sex, but I really didn‘t want it. So it was a problem—I realized it was more of a problem when we started fighting about it all the time.
CARLSON: Yes, no, I think and that‘s—you know, a lot of marriages are seriously damaged for good over this question. So what did you do?
RAYKEIL: Yes. Well, I wrote a book.
CARLSON: Good for you.
RAYKEIL: I wrote a book about it.
CARLSON: Good for you. And that‘s the answer, become an author?
RAYKEIL: That‘s the answer, yes. I think everybody should just get out there and write a book.
No, in a way, sort of it was the answer, because I started writing an anonymous column online at LiteraryMomma.com, and I was just doing that as a way to process what was going on for me and my husband and why we were fighting, and just how much—how conflicted I was about who I had been and who I was then. And then also just, you know, it was a good way for me to vent to people. And I was doing that anonymously, but then all these other moms kept e-mailing me saying that it was such an important story, and they felt the same way. And so I outed myself and wrote a book.
CARLSON: Here—it‘s an incredibly important story. Here is some of the advice that you give in the book. The husband needs to show support to the wife. Women, you point out, are acutely aware of the changes in their body. They don‘t need to be reminded by their husbands.
RAYKEIL: Right.
CARLSON: You also say that you think emotion is hot, and that you want your husband to be emotional and to cry and to reveal himself. You don‘t mean that, do you?
RAYKEIL: I don‘t want him to be, you know, blubbering all the time, but yes, I think it‘s hot when he shows emotions. I just think that a woman‘s biggest sex organ is her brain—I know that‘s kind of cliche, but it‘s true—that‘s the thing that really gets me going, is feeling connected and having a good time and laughing and feeling like I like my husband.
CARLSON: So you, OK, a woman and her husband, a new mother and a new father are at home, and they‘re just getting reacquainted, and the baby starts crying. I mean, it‘s over, right? What do you do then?
RAYKEIL: Yes, well, I mean, foreplay has to kind of take like a week now. It‘s not like—you know, so maybe it‘s interrupted when a baby cries, but—but it‘s going to look better the night—baby steps. Baby steps. You‘re closer the next time and the next time and the next time. And you know, you just have to...
CARLSON: Wow. So be patient is a big part of this now.
RAYKEIL: You‘ve got to be patient. And one of the biggest things is don‘t compare the amount of sex you had pre-baby to the amount of sex you‘re having post-baby, because that‘s just a losing deal. There‘s no way you‘re going to feel good about it.
CARLSON: But give hope in your final words to our viewers. I mean, it‘s a whole lot better when you have a newborn, right?
RAYKEIL: No, actually, honestly, my sex life is so much better now than it was before, because my husband and I are talking about it. And really what it comes down to is quality, not quantity. I mean, our sex—we might not have it as much now, but when we do, it‘s pretty darn good.
CARLSON: Outstanding. Heidi Raykeil, author of “Confessions of a Naughty Mommy: How I Found My Lost Libido.” You‘re going to sell millions of copies.
To read an excerpt from their conversation, continue to the text below. To watch the video, click on the "Launch" button to the right.