When good lovers go bad

Kim Carney / MSNBC.com
/ Source: msnbc.com contributor

What should a woman do now that her husband isn't so hot in bed anymore? And conversely, should a man worry that his wife has started making love like a porn star? Sexploration answers your queries. Have an intimate question? To e-mail us, click here.

Q: How do I introduce the topic: “Honey, you used to be really good in bed, but now you're not?" My husband and I used to have amazing sex, but even though what we do hasn’t changed, it’s just not that fun for me. He has asked why I’m not interested in sex as much, and I just don't know what to tell him.

Q: I’m a 30-year-old male. I had a very active sex drive until I hurt my lower back and was placed on several medications: a pain-killer, a muscle relaxant and a sleep aid. Now, even if I can achieve an erection, I can only last a matter of minutes and we’re not talking double digits. What can I do to last longer? This is really driving a wedge in my relationship with my girlfriend, whose libido is picking up.

A: One moment you are at the height of your powers, ramming home touchdowns all day long, and then because of injury or age, coach says, “Hit the showers. You’re washed up.”

Though we might practice on our own, sex, like the NFL, is mainly a team sport. So a good performance is not just one player’s responsibility.

This is especially true in a marriage, which, if we do it right, lasts, you know, forever. And after a few years, it's normal to feel a little ho-hum. That means we have to be creative.

So how about a little cheerleading Ms. Married Lady? How about acting like a coach and writing a new play book? You say, “what we do hasn’t changed,” to which I say, “why the hell not?”

To keep torturing this metaphor, how about throwing in a flea-flicker? A double reverse? Tell him you want some new crazy leg moves from him, too. Three yards and a cloud of dust just won’t cut it any more. 

And when we’re injured, sometimes “tape it up, kid” isn’t good enough. Experts say the side effects of taking pain medications, not to mention a back injury itself, can alter the actions of hormones and blood circulation and result in lowered sexual desire and performance.

But don’t worry, kid, with rehab, you’ll be back to normal soon. Meanwhile, you’ll have to play hurt. So tough it out. Get out there and fight, fight, fight.

Win this one for the Zipper. 

Q: My wife and I, both over 50, have been married for more than 30 years and we’ve always been sexually active. I just recently started bringing home adult movies. Man, was I in for a surprise when we watched the first one! We had the best love-making in our entire married life. Should I worry about her becoming addicted to porno flicks?

A: Are you kidding me?

Brother, did you read the questions above? You’re married more than three decades, just had the best sex of your life, and you are STILL finding something to worry about?

Look, don’t be too reliant on porn — sometimes it’s just too easy and our seduction skills atrophy. Be sure to make sweet love without Tera Patrick groaning in the background.

But, geez, thank your lucky stars.

Brian Alexander is a California-based writer who covers sex, relationships and health. He is a contributing editor at Glamour and the author of "Rapture: How Biotech Became the New Religion" (Basic Books).

Sexploration appears every other Thursday.