Landon Donovan will tell you that he no longer reflects on his previous two extended visits to Germany and those cold, gray winter days spent in an industrial city along the Rhine, growing increasingly frustrated with the direction of his soccer career.
He will tell you that everything has changed since those miserable spells with the Bundesliga club Bayer Leverkusen and that, when he arrives in Germany again next month with his 22 U.S. teammates for the World Cup, he has no intention of dredging up any unpleasant memories.
"I do a pretty good job about letting the past go," he said this week after arriving here for the start of U.S. training camp.
Then he paused, as if he had inadvertently allowed an unpleasant thought to surface, and added, "Maybe when I get there, maybe it will be a little different."
With or without emotional baggage, Donovan, 24, will return to Germany as his team's most important player in his sport's most important competition. If the United States is to advance out of its demanding first-round group and perhaps replicate the quarterfinal dash it made in 2002, the 5-foot-8, 148-pound forward-midfielder will have to lead the way.
"Four years ago, I think he was an excited kid going to the World Cup," said U.S. Coach Bruce Arena, who watched Donovan score twice in five games at the 2002 tournament in South Korea and Japan. "This time around, hopefully he's an experienced player who realizes the challenge of the World Cup and the responsibility he has now."
Donovan might already be the most influential offensive player in U.S. soccer history, mixing speed, vision, foot skills and shooting touch with a fearless instinct to attack the opponents' goal. Despite his age, he has led the national team in scoring the past three years and is on pace to become the program's all-time leader in goals within a year or two.
"As a player, he has gained more and more confidence," veteran defender Eddie Pope said. "He's a better finisher now, which is scary. He's just really settled into his comfort zone. He's where he wants to be and it has really started to show on the field."
The question now is whether he will show it on the familiar fields of Germany, which will host the World Cup in 12 cities starting June 9.
Regardless of what unfolds, Donovan and German soccer will always be intertwined. In 1999, as a 17-year-old punk from Southern California, he launched his professional career there. Lonely, uncomfortable with the language and culture, and stuck in Leverkusen's vast developmental system, he yearned to come home and play in MLS.
After two fitful years, Leverkusen accommodated him by loaning him to the San Jose Earthquakes. Donovan led his new club to two championships in four years and also helped the U.S. squad find its international footing.
Impressed by the growth of its American prospect, Leverkusen recalled him after the 2004 MLS season. Donovan reluctantly went back and even played in some Bundesliga and European Champions League matches, but never felt comfortable. He missed the California sun; his family, including a twin sister; and his girlfriend, actress Bianca Kajlich, now his fiancee.
Within weeks, he was on a flight home.
Leverkusen and MLS had reached a deal, cutting Donovan's ties to the German club. There was one catch, though: Donovan didn't want to return to San Jose; he wanted to be in Los Angeles. Since the Earthquakes no longer held his rights, his wish was granted. He signed a long-term contract that earns him $900,000 annually, second highest in the league behind Chivas USA's Juan Francisco Palencia, a Mexican star.
Last year, his first with the Galaxy, Donovan helped the club overcome a mediocre regular season and surge through the playoffs for its second league championship.
Despite his unpleasant experiences in Germany, Donovan said he learned from it.
"I kind of grew up there as a person," he said of his initial stint from 1999 to 2001. "As bad as I thought it was over the years, it's still a place I learned a lot about myself. If I had not gone, I would've been a different player today. I probably would've been a lot more coddled, things wouldn't have been as difficult for me, I would've come into an MLS team and got all the royal treatment similar to the way Freddy [Adu, D.C. United's 16-year-old star] is being treated. You have to go through that hard time.
"Freddy's going to get better because he's having to do that [under D.C. Coach Peter Nowak]. It's frustrating, but it makes you better."
Chicago Fire midfielder John Thorrington, another young American at Leverkusen when Donovan was there the first time, said: "You could see it was a big cultural change for Landon. It's a different way of life and, for a teenager from California, it can be hard."
Donovan hasn't ruled out a return to Europe, but "not now," he said. "I really have no interest. I know that sounds crazy. What if Chelsea came calling? I'm not really interested. I don't anticipate it happening anyway. When we were young with the [under-17 national team], anytime we went to play in Europe, it was, 'I wonder if some team is going to offer us a contract?'
"That's all you thought about, but as you get older, you realize what you want to do, where you want to be."
Happy about life's direction, Donovan has become a supremely confident player, someone who can affect the outcome of a match in an instant. Off the field, he isn't afraid to publicly challenge his Los Angeles or U.S. teammates or antagonize opponents (i.e., the Mexican national team) with venomous statements.
Along with it, Donovan has accepted a more prominent leadership role with the U.S. squad and, at times, has served as team captain.
"I expect more out of him," Arena said. "Certainly, this time around, Landon and DaMarcus [Beasley, a 2002 Cup veteran who will turn 24 on May 24] have to take a much bigger role than they did the last time, instead of being happy young players at the World Cup. This time they've got to be the guys in the tough games that are there for us."
Donovan was there for the U.S. team in the 2002 quarterfinals against Germany, but he missed a couple of early scoring opportunities and his teammates failed to capitalize on late-game chances during a 1-0 loss. Until this past March, Donovan said he had never watched a tape of that game. "I didn't realize how bad we crushed them," he said.
Germany — the country, and what will unfold there this summer — is once again at the center of his attention.
"I feel better in all parts of my game," he said. "I feel like I've always been good physically, but now mentally I feel like I'm as good as I've ever been. That's why it's an exciting time for me. I'm confident and excited about what's coming."