Is something wrong when guys with the stamina of the Energizer Bunny break down? Should couples rely on appletini aphrodisiacs? And how do you know if a man is gay or "just sexual"? Sexploration answers your queries. Have an intimate question? To e-mail us, click here.
Q1: Lately I have been having sex seven to 10 times in a weekend. And these aren’t just five-minute episodes. I’ve had no problem ejaculating — until the past couple of times. Is it because I’ve been so "busy" during this period? It’s really starting to irritate me when I put in a few hours and she has multiple orgasms and I can’t get one. The last two times, I had nothing. Am I really wearing it out?
Q2: I am a 26-year-old male. I can have sex two and three times a day, but then, the next day, I don’t have a climax. Is there something wrong with me, or am I running out and need a break to rebuild?
A: For a couple of self-described stallions, you guys sure sound whiney. Count your lucky stars (and the blessings of your age), and then call me when you’re 45.
Don’t worry, boys. You haven’t broken it. Several things happen when you ejaculate repeatedly in a short time. Sperm reserve drops to zero, semen volume drops, and, says one study published in June 2000 in the British Journal of Urology, the penis becomes less sensitive during the so-called post-ejaculatory refractory period.
So for some period of time after ejaculation, you’re not as quick on the trigger.
All that amounts to this: You’re satisfied. You want sex less and if you do have it, you can go for hours. (Didn’t you see "There’s Something About Mary"? The pre-date ritual?)
You can still get hard, can still do it, but even young 'uns like you can’t expect it to be good to the last drop.
By the way, are you sure she's enjoying it the seventh time? Unless she's made of cast iron, she could wind up with more saddle sores than a rodeo cowboy. If she really does want more, switch to oral sex. Make it about her. You'll score huge points.
Oh, here's another idea: Give it a rest!
Q: My wife and I have a dilemma. We would like to cut back on our consumption of alcohol but it seems like the best sex happens after we have had three or four drinks. So we are afraid if we give up drinking our sex life will go to hell!
A: Try serving up imagination instead of gin. While booze can loosen you up, giving you “permission” to decorate your penis with her earrings and then use them as mini Hula Hoops, alcohol is just a cheap shortcut. Don't wait for liquor to give you permission. Do it for yourself.
Really, it’s not like you two are dating and need appletinis to cure shyness. Get drunk on foreplay instead.
With a little effort and time you'll begin to feel just how intoxicating — and liberating — that build-up can be.
Q: I am a 30-year-old single mother and have recently become good friends with a man who everyone says is gay. He says he is "just sexual." We have discussed this and he says he prefers men 95 percent of the time and women the other 5 percent. Should I even bother having a sexual relationship with him?
A: Oh. I see. He’s "just sexual.” Well, so is Carson Kressley, but you wouldn’t expect much of a relationship future with him, would you? I mean, 95 percent of the time? Come on.
This is a gay man. Stay friends, have long gossipy lunches and compare notes on your respective male lovers.
Brian Alexander, a California-based freelance writer and contributing editor for Glamour magazine, is working on a new book about sex for Harmony, an imprint of Crown Publishing.
Sexploration appears every other Thursday.