Sept. 20, 2006 | 5:10 p.m. ET
Just an illusion?
(Willie Geist, "Tucker" senior producer)
From Wednesday's "Lighten Up" segment:
Fake photos of Mrs. Tiger Woods
You know what they say about pulling a tiger's tail? Well it's not a good idea with Tiger Woods either. A magazine in Ireland, where the Ryder Cup golf tournament is being held this week, printed an article entitled "Ryder Cup Filth For Dublin" that attacked visiting American golfers and their wives. The piece included a pornographic picture purported to be of Tiger's wife, former swimsuit model Elin Nordegren. Problem is, the photograph was not Tiger's wife at all. Tiger didn't like that so much. Today, he called the magazine's actions "unacceptable".
Jesus foyer
Some people spend their entire lives trying to find Jesus, others conveniently find him right at their front door. Anna Glover of Conroe, Texas says she sees the face of Jesus on the floor of her front foyer every time she turns on the outdoor light. The image is created by light traveling through the patterned glass on her front door.
$300,000 cell phone
Cell phones are obnoxious by their very nature. They ring in movie theaters, people talk loudly on them in crowded elevators, and those blinking Bluetooth headsets - don't get me started. But now a Swiss company has made a phone that's in a class of obnoxiousness all its own.
It is called the "Black Diamond" and it costs 300-hundred thousand dollars. Yes, 300-hundred grand. As in the price of a home. The phone has a diamond navigation button and another 2-carat diamond on the back. The body is made of titanium. The "Black Diamond" will be available early next year.
A super cat and Martha Stewart 'spies'
(Willie Geist, "Tucker" senior producer)
From Tuesday's "Lighten Up" segment:
Can your pet do this? Lola, the 8-week-old cat, can walk on her front paws. She was born with longer back legs than front legs, so she's compensated by teaching herself to walk on her front paws. The Denver shelter that's holding Lola has received so many offers to take her that it's holding an essay contest to determine her new owner.
Is the heat in the celebrity-chef kitchen getting a little too hot for Martha Stewart? The New York Post's Page Six, which would never print rumor or innuendo, reports that Martha may have sent spies to infiltrate a taping of cooking rival Rachel Ray's new show.
A Post source says a group of Martha's staffers was booted from the "Rachel Ray" studio because they lied about who they were. A spokesman for Stewart says the group was asked to leave the taping, but not because of any wrongdoing.
Trends: 'Cocaine,' silent dating and Rosie's talking points
(Willie Geist, "Tucker" senior producer)
From Monday's "Lighten Up" segment:
Have you ever yearned for the physical and psychological effects of cocaine, but not felt like dealing with the messy legal implications? Of course you have. Well now there's a way to get "Cocaine" without serving any time.
A new energy drink subtley named "Cocaine" promises all the same effects of its namesake drug without containing anything illegal. The drink's website brags that it gives you 350 percent more energy than Red Bull. "Cocaine" inventor James Kirby says, "I can think of no other product except real cocaine that could have that effect on the public."
Silent dating
They have every other kind of dating these days - blind dating, internet dating, speed-dating - so why not silent dating? It's the latest desperate attempt to get single people together and it's catching on in China. Daters are not allowed to speak to each other. Instead, they pass written notes back and forth for 15 minutes. Silent dating is said to reward people who are better with the written word than with the spoken.
GOP vs. Rosie
We already knew Rosie O'Donnell frightened small children, but it looks like she's got the Republican party scared to death too. The Republican National Committee's official website has an entire page titled, "Dems' Rosie View On War on Terror." It lists some of the things Rosie has said on "The View" about "The War on Terror" and then shows all the Democratic candidates she has given money to. The suggestion is that Democrats are taking their cues from Rosie and the rest of Hollywood.
An evening with the stars
(Willie Geist, "Tucker" senior producer)
I feel different today than I did yesterday. I think it's probably because when you spend an evening in the front row at "Dancing With The Stars" applauding Joey Lawrence's Cha Cha routine, chuckling at Tom Bergeron's jokes, and booing Bruno's scoring, a little piece of you dies. Let me just say, it was worth the untimely death of my soul.
I was seated with Tucker's brother, Tucker's wife, and his sister-in-law to my right. To my left? You guessed it, Jerry Springer's wife. She was an extremely sweet, demure woman who is very proud of her husband. I couldn't help but wonder to myself what she thinks when Jerry has to intervene in a chair-throwing brawl between a 130-pound meth addict and his 400-pound scorned lover. Perhaps Jerry's "Final Thought" brings her peace. It does me.
We had a clear view across the dance floor of "Team Harry." That is, of course, "Dancing With The Stars" veteran Lisa Rinna and her lady friends who were there to support Rinna's husband, Harry Hamlin. The gals were decked out in "Team Harry" tank tops that accentuated their doctor-prescribed gifts nicely. Rinna was visibly nervous before her husband took the dance floor. There was confirmed yoga breathing taking place. I can assure you there was no yoga breathing on "Team Tucker." Mostly because none of us knows what that is.
Speaking of "Team Tucker," one of Tucker's Los Angeles buddies made an entire line of hats, shirts and pins with a specially-designed "T" logo. A disturbing amount of time, effort and money appears to have been invested in this project. After the judge Bruno called Tucker's performance "an awful mess," Tucker was sent off stage and the show went to commercial break. That's when I called over to Bruno and told him I knew he secretly wanted to be a part of "Team Tucker." So I tossed him one of the "Tucker" pins. If you look closely at the scoring from last night, Bruno has the white pin on his lapel even as he raises a measly score of "3" for Tucker. It was a guerrilla promotional tactic, but all is fair in love and celebrity dance competitions.
I hope you all voted for Tucker last night. If you didn't, that's OK too. I just hope your dog runs away. Keep your fingers crossed tonight.
Time to dance
(Willie Geist, “Tucker” Senior Producer)
Today feels like Election Day. Or Super Bowl Sunday. The hype is over. Talk doesn’t mean anything anymore. The only people who can make a difference now are the gladiators in the arena.
I’m in Los Angeles with one of those gladiators. No, despite their repeated, unsolicited invitations, I’m not with Mario Lopez or Joey Lawrence. I’m here to support my friend Tucker Carlson.
I tried to score an exclusive interview with Tucker on the eve of his debut on “Dancing With The Stars” (tonight, 8pm ET on ABC), but he didn’t want the media distraction as he prepares for his close-up before some 20 million Americans. So much for my connection. I can tell you that our off-the-record conversation late last night over a bottle of Perrier (his) and a handle of whiskey (mine) made me more confident than ever that Tucker is going to shock the world in this competition.
As I look at the Las Vegas odds and read the pundits’ predictions about “Dancing With The Stars”, I’m reminded of a rag-tag group of rebels who, once upon a time, weren’t given much of a chance to win either. The enemy was too mighty, they were told. It wasn’t worth the fight, they heard over and over. You may have heard of them: they’re the heroes of the American Revolution. Or maybe it was the 1985 Villanova Wildcats. Either way, it was a great story whose script Tucker Carlson plans to plagiarize.
The person who’s voted off “Dancing With The Stars” on Wednesday night is required to fly back to New York to appear on “Good Morning America”. Mark my words, Tucker won’t be on that plane.
Vote for Tucker tonight!
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James Carville endorses Tucker
(Willie Geist, "Tucker" senior producer)
The Reverend Al Sharpton’s letter of endorsement has inspired a flood of support for Tucker's campaign to become the next "Dancing With The Stars" champion. The latest to jump on the bandwagon, superstar political consultant James Carville.
Dear Friends,
We’re writing to tell you about a remarkable candidate in a very special nationwide election this month. Between the two of us, we have spent more than half a century advising contenders for higher office. In that time we’ve seen the good, the bad, and the merely forgettable. But we have never seen anyone like Tucker Carlson. We’re not saying that’s necessarily good, just that we’ve never seen anyone like him. Nevertheless, we’re asking you to vote for Tucker on "Dancing With The Stars."
Many people don’t know this, but Tucker’s political acumen is surpassed only by his mastery of the Cha Cha. His campaign has been attacked by the special interests, vivified by the elites, dismissed by the chattering classes. Our response? Three words: Dewey Defeats Truman. It can happen. But not without your help.
Sincerely,
James Carville
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'Claymates,' we're sorry!
(Willie Geist, "Tucker" senior producer)
It is the stated policy of this show not to negotiate with known terrorist organizations, but today we make an exception for the “Claymates”. That is, of course, Clay Aiken’s fan club.
The Claymates were apparently not pleased with our coverage yesterday of Aiken’s appointment to a position in the Bush administration. In various chat rooms, members of the group blasted Tucker and me for our treatment of their hero. They seemed most angry that we showed this video of Aiken with his old hairstyle. The Claynation has now vowed to vote against Tucker on “Dancing With The Stars”.
Well, here’s the olive branch, Claymates: an updated photograph of Aiken with his more recent hairdo.
Now in return, I call on the leadership of “Claymates” to stop the jihad against Tucker.
Let’s sit down at the table of reality show brotherhood and together vote to make Tucker the “Dancing With The Stars” champion.
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Sharpton endorses Tucker on "Dancing"
(Bill Wolff, Vice President of Primetime Programming for MSNBC)
We all saw it coming. Labor Day would come and go, and then the heavy hitters would swing mightily in hopes of influencing the will of American voters. And here we are. The contest is in sight, and the republic’s mightiest political voices have joined the fray.
Yes, “Dancing with the Stars” is less than a week away, and deposed Washington power player Tom DeLay wants in. The former House Majority Leader sent a letter to his supporters in which he asked them kindly to support the “DWTS” candidacy of country singer Sara Evans. Ms. Evans has apparently been a consistent ally of Republican candidates, and Mr. DeLay knows better than most the power of mutual back scratching. So the ardent backers of a man who once wielded as much power as anyone in Washington will be dialing and texting and clicking their votes for the dance stylings of one of their own…
To be clear, all is fair in love and reality TV show voting. You think I didn’t vote multiple times for Elliot Yamin on “American Idol?” Think again. You think the people around Tucker Carlson are unable, unwilling, or unlikely to play power politics? Surely you jest.
To wit:
Dear Friends,
I don’t have to remind you that we are living in trying and uncertain times. That’s why now, more than ever, we need a strong leader who will stand up for what we believe. Better yet, we need a leader who will dance for what we believe. Tucker Carlson is just such a dancer. I ask you to join me in supporting Tucker as he competes on the ABC program, “Dancing With The Stars”.
The show begins Tuesday, September 12th at 8pm ET. Watch Tucker do the Cha Cha and then call in your vote to make sure he advances to the next week’s show. You can call as often as you like. Remember: Voting in celebrity dance contests is not just your right in this country, it’s a privilege. If you sit back idly and fail to perform your civic duty, lesser dancers could win this competition. America simply cannot afford that. Thank you for joining me in this effort.
Sincerely,
Reverend Al Sharpton
They’re lining up, folks. It’s your chance to be heard.
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Dancing with A.C. Slater
(Willie Geist, "Tucker" senior producer)
If you didn’t know better, you would have thought Mario Lopez was already the Season Three “Dancing with the Stars” champion. The Vegas odds makers tell us the smart money is on him. The so-called experts say his youth, athleticism, and “Kids Incorporated” performance pedigree give him a decided advantage over the rest of the field. But the last time I checked, nationally-broadcast celebrity dance competitions are not decided in Las Vegas or by armchair quarterbacks. They’re won and lost right there on the dance floor.
Sure, Lopez played a brilliant A.C. Slater on “Saved By The Bell” - no one can ever take that away from him - but when you step into the “Dancing With The Stars” arena, what you’ve done in the past and a dollar will buy you a cup of coffee. You see, this ain’t Bayside High any more, Slater. Zack Morris isn’t around to bail you out of trouble. Jessie Spano isn’t here to kiss you and tell you everything is alright. Tucker Carlson isn’t going to take your noogies the way Screech did. And the judges are a lot less forgiving than that pansy Mr. Belding. I guess what I’m saying is, Lopez had better watch his back. That’s not a threat. That’s a fact.
In the end, Mario might dance circles around Tucker. He might not be reading his press clippings. He might be completely focused on bringing home the coveted “Dancing with the Stars” trophy. If that happens, Tucker can walk away with an intangible, but much more valuable trophy of his own: at least he didn’t star in “Breaking the Surface: The Greg Louganis Story.”
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Dancing with Springer
(Willie Geist, “Tucker” Senior Producer)
We invited Jerry Springer on the show today under the guise of a strong desire to hear his take on the news of the day. In truth, Tucker just wanted to size up the enemy. Springer will join Tucker as one of the contestants on ABC’s “Dancing With The Stars” when the show begins on Tuesday, September 12th. Today, the tension between these fierce competitors was palpable, and frankly a little uncomfortable for the rest of us. Their smiles and pleasantries masked the deep-seated loathing that only a competition of this gravity could bring about.
From the outset today, Springer’s approach was clear. He sandbagged and aw-shucksed his way through the interview. He told Tucker he only practices about 6 hours a week. He said he’s too old to dance. He said the only thing his partner needed to know is CPR. He called himself “hopeless”. We get the idea, Jerry, but we ain’t buying it. Being the wily veteran he is, Springer is clearly trying to get Tucker to look past him in this competition, perhaps toward NFL great Emmitt Smith or to that handsome devil Harry Hamlin, the guy from “Clash of the Titans.” Jerry was a good and gracious guest, but I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw one of the porn-addicted transvestite little people who often appear on his show.
By all rights, Tucker should beat Springer. The Las Vegas oddsmakers have made Jerry a 49-to-1 longshot to win “Dancing With The Stars”. Tucker’s odds are 21-to-1. But before Tucker starts celebrating and working on his Week Two meringue routine, I would remind him that a guy named Buster Douglas was a 42-to-1 underdog when he stepped into the ring with the invincible Mike Tyson several years ago. We all know how that ended. I would hate to see Tucker lying on the canvas with Jerry Springer standing over him in a ruffled satin shirt and skin-tight pants. That would be embarrassing.
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Is America safer with Jeffs behind bars?
(Tucker Carlson)
To hear the government tell it, the capture of Warren Jeffs is a major victory.
Jeffs was on the FBI's "Ten Most Wanted" list, along with Osama bin Laden, and Whitey Bulger, who's charged with 18 counts of murder. So now that Jeffs is behind bars, is this a safer country?
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'Dancing with the Stars' update
(Bill Wolff, Vice President of Primetime Programming for MSNBC)
As television viewers wait breathlessly for Tucker Carlson’s September 12th "Dancing with the Stars" debut (and self-serious media critics savage him for being an adventurous, self-effacing human being), we at MSNBC receive daily updates about Tucker’s strict training regimen. Here’s what we learned today:
- Tucker’s debut dance will be some combination of the waltz, the quickstep (the quickstep?), and a Michael Jackson-esque robot dance. OK. If you continue to run around and say you’re not going to watch, flaunting your “I have a life” posture or some claim of intellectual superiority or taste, you have zero credibility. Waltz? Quickstep? Robot Dance?
- Tucker’s dance partner is tough! She grew up in the former Soviet Union. She was once lucky enough to acquire some chewing gum and was so completely thrilled that she chewed it for days and days and days, and when the gum lost its color, she painted it with a magic marker. Tucker’s actually a fairly tough guy (seriously). He’s been through some harrowing experiences and NEVER winces or pouts or complains. But, if there were some sort of Texas death match between Tucker and his dance partner, the smart money would be on the dance partner. Sorry, Tucker. We’d all bet on you in any sort of debate. Or Revolutionary War re-enactment!
- Tucker’s dance partner doesn’t like to be tickled. During practice today, Tucker mistakenly put his hand under her arm rather than behind her back… AND GOT SCOLDED FOR TICKLING HER!!! Not a funny scolding either!! A scary scolding!!!
And still, the man achieves détente, gets through rehearsal, knows about every news story in the world, and can now do the robot on command. Guy’s impressive, folks.
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John Mark Karr's mullet
(Willie Geist, "Tucker" Senior Producer)
All the talk about the JonBenet Ramsey murder case today concerned the lavish flight that suspect John Mark Karr took from Bangkok to Los Angeles. He drank champagne. He dined on roast duck and prawns. He even clinked glasses in a toast with the Boulder, Colo., investigator traveling with him. To me, that outrageous flight was not the story of the day. John Mark Karr’s outrageous mullet was.
In home video shot nearly 20 years ago and obtained by NBC News, Karr sports one of the most offensive mullets you will ever see. Our experts in the MSNBC Hair and Makeup department have not yet completed their analysis of the tape, but to the casual observer, Karr appears to be showing off the classic “Business Party” mullet while singing and playing the guitar at a friend’s wedding in 1987. To the uninitiated, that’s a hairstyle that’s all business in the front and an all-night party in the back.
In a matter of moments this afternoon, Karr went from a relative mullet unknown to a significant figure in the history of the world’s finest hairstyle. Now I’m not prepared, or qualified, to put Karr’s mullet into any kind of historical context. It’s just too early to do that and frankly it would be irresponsible. But there are those in the blogosphere who are already calling Karr’s the greatest of all time. A veritable Muhammad Ali of mullets. Here’s a recap of what Karr is up against in his bid for mullet supremacy:
5. David Bowie
Considered by some “The Godfather” of the movement. The Ziggy Stardust look prompted a wave of glam mullets in the 1970s. Purists discount the Ziggy mullet however, saying it’s part of a costume and therefore unauthentic. Note to our readers: do not argue with mullet purists.
4. Tucker Carlson
He hasn’t achieved the classic mullet yet, but when he goes a few weeks without a haircut, he certainly knocks on the door. A potentially groundbreaking figure because he does not fit the profile of the typical mullet wearer. Here’s an artist’s rendering of what Tucker would look like with a true mullet.
3. Andy “The Viking” Fordham
I don’t mean to editorialize here, but World Dart Champion Andy Fordham has never received the credit he deserves from the mainstream media for his prolific mullet. Perhaps everyone has been afraid to make light of his hair given his size and the fact that he throws precision darts for a living.
2. The National Hockey League
No organization has done more for the mullet than the NHL. It’s too difficult to single out one player, but current New York Rangers’ star Jaromir Jagr has been the poster boy for well over a decade now. Hockey players actually pride themselves on their mullets. The hair that flips out of their helmets and trails behind them as they skate is known as “flow”.
1. Billy Ray Cyrus
The Gold Standard. Without Billy Ray Cyrus, the mullet might have forever remained some kind of a cult interest: a hairstyle to be discussed and compared among friends only in the small towns and back woods of rural America. But when Cyrus’s 1992 single “Achy Breaky Heart” somehow became an international phenomenon, the mullet announced its arrival as the preeminent hairstyle of its generation. Billy Ray Cyrus didn’t invent the mullet, but he might as well have.
Many people have suggested John Mark Karr was not involved in JonBenet Ramsey’s death and that he confessed to having a role in her killing merely to feed his pathetic, childish need for attention. Well, if Karr’s goal was to insert himself into the history books, he has succeeded. That mullet is one for the ages.
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Dolls are for boys, too
(Willie Geist, "Tucker" senior producer)
A guilty pleasure is something that, by definition, you are not proud of. I’m not proud of a lot of things - lying on my resume to get this job jumps to mind immediately (note to MSNBC: I was not Secretary of the Interior in the Ford Administration) - but I can assure you I feel no guilt whatsoever about the pleasures I confess to here, and in MSNBC.com's Guilty Pleasure extravaganza. In short, if collecting porcelain figures is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
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Answers to your burning questions
(Bill Wolff, Vice President of Primetime Programming for MSNBC)
MSNBC World Headquarters is abuzz beyond its normal news-obsessed hum.
The reason: The announcement yesterday that our own Tucker Carlson will compete this fall on the popular reality-competition-entertainment show “Dancing with the Stars.” Like most people in our business, people around MSNBC watch a lot of TV (not all of it news). After the blush of excitement about Tucker’s impending turn on a primetime network reality show, most folks had lots of questions. Here are the ones we can print (along with the answers we can print).
Q: Did Tucker call the show or did the show call Tucker?
A: They called Tucker. Are you serious? Do you think he secretly pines to dance in a costume in front of millions of people? They called him.
Q: What dance is Tucker going to do?
A: I’m not at liberty to say.
Q: Is management okay with Tucker doing “Dancing with the Stars?”
A: Yes. Tucker is a great guy. Anybody who works with him every day would attest to that. “DWTS” isn’t about political perspective or disagreements about world news; it’s for fun, and it will be, we all think, a chance for a big audience to see what a good sport and charming person Tucker is. Plus, we all want to see if he can dance.
Q: Do you think Tucker can actually dance?
A: Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Why not? I don’t know. He’s working on it.
Q: Is he excited about doing the show?
A: Which show?
Q: “Dancing with the Stars!”
A: Yes. He is some form of excited about “DWTS.” He is ALWAYS excited to do his show (every day at 4 PM and 6 PM ET on MSNBC). That’s incontrovertible fact.
Q: What’s he going to wear?
A: Nobody knows. We’re all hoping for a ruffled shirt, big nasty cuffs, and spandex in any form. What I can report without fear of contradiction is that Tucker has been issued a pair of black jazz shoes (what used to be known as Capezios). Upon seeing him with the Capezios in the office, the staff responses ranged from “Capezios?!” to “Ha!” to “Dude!! Capezios!!”
Q: How’s he getting ready?
A: This whole thing is no joke. Tucker’s working out (well, you know, learning how to dance) for hours every morning. He does his morning work on his own show with his staff in between practice sessions. It takes some serious discipline (and mental acuity) to go from learning to dance with a stranger to processing all the news in an incredibly important, extremely busy moment in the news business.
There are other questions bouncing around the building, but this is a family news Web site, and some things are better left unsaid. The one thing everyone talks about is the chance that Tucker will succeed. How will he do?
Though there is no gambling allowed at MSNBC, the unofficial commissary odds makers have Tucker as a live long shot. (Off the record, I’ve got him in a 2-dollar trifecta box with Harry Hamlin and Vivica A Fox)
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Dancing scares me
I like to be afraid. That’s why I enjoy working in live TV, where every day brings the potential for public self-immolation. And that’s why I agreed to compete on this season of “Dancing with the Stars.” The idea scared me. Other than the drunken hokey pokey at the occasional rehearsal dinner, I’ve never been much of a dancer.
And it turns out, I’m still not. I started my training last week. So far it hasn’t been physically difficult. If you can make it through a squash or racquetball game without dying, you can handle “Dancing with the Stars.” Intellectually, though, it’s the toughest thing I’ve done in a while. Imagine trying to recall a long list of random three-digit numbers, in order. That’s the experience of trying to memorize a dance routine. For someone like me, who never advanced beyond 10-grade math, it’s a challenge. After five days of practice, my legs feel fine, but my head hurts.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been as bad at something. Like most people over 25, I spend my life doing things I’m good at, or at least familiar with. This is totally new, like learning Ukrainian. The good news is, the standards are lower. My goal for “Dancing with the Stars:” getting through the first episode without falling down. If I can do that, I’ve won.
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Tucker is Dancing with the Stars
(Willie Geist, “Tucker” Senior Producer)
It's official. Tucker Carlson is appearing on this season's "Dancing with the Stars," along with an all-star cast that includes Jerry Springer, Blossom's older brother, Emmit Smith, Vivica Fox, Harry Hamlin, A.C. Slater from "Saved by the Bell," Willa Ford, Monique Coleman, Sara Evans and Shanna Moakler.
I've had some pretty awful dance partners in my life, but no amount of experience could have prepared me for the unspeakable horror I witnessed when I stepped onto the dance floor with Tucker Carlson. Tucker is a legitimately great man and a good friend, but when he dances, he’s not only an embarrassment to himself and his family, but a living, breathing affront to rhythm and movement in space. I’m not saying I’m Fred Astaire, but Tucker dances like he’s just been tasered after leading police on a high-speed chase.
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That’s why, on the surface at least, his decision to enter a nationally-televised dance competition might be a confusing one. Privately, Tucker confesses he agreed to do “Dancing With The Stars” mainly for the once-in-a-lifetime chance to wear a turquoise, ruffled, satin blouse and heeled Capezio jazz shoes in front of millions of people. Do you want to be the one to tell him he can’t pursue his boyhood dream? I sure don’t.
The early morning line out of Vegas will probably have Tucker as a long shot to get past the first week. My sincere hunch is that he’s going to surprise you. You see, Tucker is taking this very seriously. He’s bringing his exotic Eastern European dance partner on vacation with his wife and children. I’m not kidding. The odds are certainly against a man of so little natural ability and the competition is fierce (that Mario Lopez can really move), but I wouldn’t bet against Tucker Carlson.
The way I look at it, even if Tucker is kicked off the show early, at least he’s getting dancing lessons. The world is a better, and indeed a safer, place for that.