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Joy and Sean's 'emails to each other'

The e-mails below were recovered by a forensic computer expert.  Names and addresses  and other identifying information have been deleted. The e-mails have been sorted in chronological order. The undated emails have been organized by discussion thread (where possible). 

After Sean Goff killed Joy Risker on September 19, 2003, he told her friends and family that she had run away with an old boyfriend but that she was keeping in touch with him by e-mail. To support his ruse, in case anyone checked, he began an e-mail correspondence with himself. He signed on to Joy's e-mail account and sent himself emails to which he would reply.

The e-mails below were recovered by a forensic computer expert.  Addresses have been deleted.

The e-mails have been sorted in chronological order. The undated emails have been organized by discussion thread (where possible). 

In one e-mail, the word "unintelligible" appears. This signifies that the word was not recovered when the document was found in the computer hard drive.


On 9/26/03 10:35 am, Joy Risker wrote:

Hi, Sean, I know you are sad and that the kids are missing me.  I cannot tell you how much I’m missing them.  But I know I’ve been miserable for years being tied down in a house and now as a mother, I just can’t see that I would ever be able to function in life without going crazy.  I have to get out and experience the world around me and know that there is life outside of those four walls.  I know you’ve heard all this a thousand times and it’s a lot of regamaro [sic] to you, but it’s really how I feel.  I just wanted to make sure that you were serious that I could talk to you after a year and then we could work out some sort of visitation schedule.  I know you’re talking to my Dad and he’s probably telling you to do something crazy like come and get me.  I know I can’t talk to him now no matter how much I love him, but I also know that there were years when we didn’t really talk, and I was the one that opened communication this time and kept it open.  I know that someday that will happen again, but it can’t be now.  Just let me know if you’re really serious about the year and the kids.  Joy.

Sean Barclay Goff wrote:

Dear Joy, You know that I have always kept my word to you and I am so sorry I could not make you happy.  Maybe this is for the best and some day we can be good friends, but as far as the kids are concerned, you know I will do what is best for them.  I meant what I said about the year.  I just have one request, that as long as you want to see them, you’ll email me at least every three months and let me know how things are.  If you cannot at least do that, I may not allow you to see the kids.  I will talk to your father about this also and get his advice, but it would just be easier if you did this for me.  I will always love you although I know you will never be my wife again.  However, we are working to give the boys a good home and a loving environment to thrive in.  I know when they are grown they will make us all proud.  Love, Sean.

Date: Fri, 26 Sep 2003 10:42:32 -700 (PDT) 
From: Joy Risker
Subject:  Re:  Hi

Thanks, Sean.  I’ll try to send an email at least every three months.  When I’m in Europe backpacking, I might not always have email access, but I’ll do my best.  Joy


Sean Barclay Goff wrote:

Hi, Joy.  I sold the bed like you asked.  BTW, there’s about $4800.00 in your saving account including some that that you drew from your credit card.  Please do something with this money like transfer it to checking so you can take care of the bills you have.  Also, please write me back because Jill even called the police to file a missing person’s report on you and they came in the middle of the night to ask questions.  This kind of stuff really has to stop.  I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m trying to provide a stable environment for the kids and it’s not fair to Sheila either.  Please take care of your friends, okay?  I still love you although I know we can never be together, but at least someday, when you come back, you can be a mother to the kids and we can show them the love they deserve.  Think about it, okay.  I know [our son] is missing you.  Sean.  

Date: Mon, 6 Oct 2003 09:12:45 -0700 (PDT)
From: Joy Risker [ name/email deleted]
Subject: Re: Bed and other matters
To: Sean Barclay Goff

Sean, I transferred the money over and I’ll take care of it.  I also wrote Jill and Saud so everything should be taken care of.  Thanks for selling the bed.  If you can sell the car later, I’ll use the money as a down payment on a new one when I get back to the states.  No rush.  I know you were counting on some money from me before I left, so we can work that out too or you can just deduct it from what you make on my car or whatever.  Kiss the boys and tell them Dhavi loves them.  Joy

FW: My trip. 
From: Joy Risker
Date: Tue, 7 Oct 2003 19:47:49 – 700 (PDT)
Subject: My trip
Sean, I know this is hard, but I’m leaving for Europe tomorrow. I’ll try to email each three months like we agreed.  Just don’t hold me to the day.  I do love you in a way.  I’m just not in love with you and I have to do this.  Please take care of [names deleted].  I don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to them.

Sean to Joy
Re: My trip
Listen, Joy, You may this I all fun and games, but it’s not.  You’ve put me in a serious financial difficulties, not to mention you were going to help me pay our tax bill.  That’s about $3000 I never saw the money you transferred was all your credit card draw, and I’ll not put the rest in until you call me NOT email.  Call me and we’ll work it out.  As for the car, it’s in my name, so unless you start acting responsible, you won’t see any money from that either.  I’m even thinking about filing for child support.  I cannot afford to live like this.  Please do something responsible, Sean.

From: “ Sean Barclay Goff
To: Joy Risker-Goff 
Re: The Kids.

Joy, You’ll never know how hard it is to deal with the kids with you gone.  If you could just come for a little while I know Jill will let you stay with her.  I’m trying to work and pay the bills, but it’s so hard.  Please do something for us.  You don’t have to be here for me.  Just for them.  Love, Sean. 

Sean to Joy
Re: Just tucked in the boys
They still pray for you every night.  I have no idea what to tell them if you don’t come back soon.  I’m going to have to see a therapist and a Child psychologist and find out what to do.  You really have to think this over.  It’s not too late to come back.  We can share custody 50/50 and you won’t have to pay anything for them.  I’ll take care of it all.  Just please think of them  , I know you’re not in love with me but at least be there for them
But even if you take a long time, you’ll be able to see them again.  They have colds now and need their Dhavi. (Sean’s nickname for Joy)

Re: Hello
The kids are doing better now and not feeling sick.  I can tell that  [name deleted] is really missing you because he’s getting so sensitive and needy as far as attention goes.  I try to give him all I can, but thereis nothing like a mother.

You were far too hard on yourself.  You were a good mother.  I know you hated it, but you didn’t hate the boys.  You just flew off the handle at times.  I think it happens to all mothers.
Whenever you come back.  You’ll be able to see them again.

Re: (our sons)
The boys are at Seaport Village with  [name deleted] today.   [name deleted] said, “Boat” today.  You’re missing some very good things in their lives that go far beyond diapers, mundane TV shows and other things.  Please call and just talk to them.  They love you.  Sean.

Re: Pumpin Patch
Hi, Joy,  Sheila took the boys to the pumpkin patch today, and I’m staying home and just trying to pray a (unintelligible) everything I wan [sic] you to remember how you believed that a mother’s presence in the home was so important.  Remember how your Mom was when your father left.  How she worked two jobs to make ends meet.  Remember what that meant to you? 

You know  [name deleted] is your [item deleted].  He needs validation from you.  He’s a little boy in a big world.  I love these boys as much as any father ever could, but that’s not the love of two parents.   [name deleted] may be different, and I know he frustrated you, but I guarantee in six months to a year, he’ll be easy to handle and you’ll feel differently about him. 
Just remember, the door to seeing them will always be open no matter what.  You don’t even have to be a stay-at-home mom.  You can define your own terms.  Just be there for them. 

To: Joy
From: Sean
Re: The kids
I know what you were going through.  I know because sometimes I feel like I’m drowning because I’m taking care of the kids and working at the same time.  I know how it feels.  Listen, whatever you have to do is fine, but please come back and we’ll work something out that is easy for you. 
I need you and they do too. 

To: Joy
From: Sean
Re: Tired
Joy, I’m really tired, and I’m trying hard to forgive, and move on, but you must know that this changes everything between you and the kids.  I saw an attorney yesterday about custody and child support.  I’m going to move on.  The kids will always be available for you to see, but the legal part will be handled.  I’ve talked with your father about this also, and we are both in agreement. 

To: Joy
From: Sean
Re: It’s very hard
I hope you are feeling the pain of separation from our boys.  You don’t have to be an everyday mother.  You don’t have to have any responsibility at all.  Just be here for them.  [item deleted].  Remember, okay?  

Re: Please call
Joy, you have no idea how hard this is.  Please call me or your  Dad now.  Everyone is worried sick about you and all you have to do is let someone know you are okay.  Please, Sean.