Why do guys fantasize about being with two women, neither of whom may want much to do with him? What are some cross-cultural differences in desire? And is it so wrong for an old woman to get it on with a young stud?
Sexploration answers your most intimate queries. Got a question? E-mail us.
Q: What is the deal with the apparently universal male fantasy of being with two lesbian women? I try to understand men, and feel I am pretty good at relating to them, but I cannot get my head around this one. Why would a man want to be with two women who have absolutely no interest in his penis?
A: At first, we at Sexploration were shocked that there is a woman out there who still doesn’t understand this, but then we heard from other women who said, “Yeah, I don’t get it either!”
I’ll do my best, but keep in mind every guy is a little different.
It is a misnomer to say “two lesbian women” is a “universal” male fantasy. Maybe some guys have that idea in their heads, but the more universal fantasy is for a guy to be with two very hot, basically heterosexual women who are so turned on by the guy they lose all control and play with each other. It’s really all about us. (But you knew that.)
In our fantasy, the two women fall under our spell as we stand with hands on our hips, our lordly sex organ inspiring awe. We throw our heads back with a conquering laugh. And then the two women proceed to please us in many and sundry ways, which may include performing naughty lesbian sex for our kingly amusement. Why do you think there are thousands of pictures floating around the Internet of girls making out with each other on nightclub dance floors? They are not all lesbians.
Besides, two mouths and four hands can do oh so much more to our bodies than one woman alone. Plus, we needn’t worry about our own performance because we’ve got an extra helper attending to any unoccupied territory. Even a sex god can’t be everywhere at once, you know.
The bottom line: There is nothing so exciting for most men than an incredibly horny woman — except maybe two. Get it?
Q: A while ago in your article on our fascination with breasts, you said that non-Western men would not see anything sexual in breast play (like a bull suckling from a cow, you said). This led me to wonder what other behaviors we engage in that would be completely off base in other cultures, and vice versa?
A: First, I didn’t say it. I was quoting an academic. She may or may not be correct. In response to that comment, Dr. Stephen Schneberger of Las Cruces, N.M., wrote in to say, “I have heard the ‘bull sucking a cow’s teats’ line more than I can say. I am a cattle rancher and a gynecologist. And I have frequently seen bulls sucking [a] virgin cow’s teats. So there. We all like to do it.”
Maybe breast play is universal, but sex is a cross-cultural minefield. Think of Richard Gere bussing Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty only to be burned in effigy and accused by an Indian judge of transgressing “all limits of vulgarity.”
We are all familiar now with the various ways sexual expression is repressed in some societies. In certain cultures, premarital sex can get you killed. Even talking about sex in some Asian societies is taboo, a real barrier to AIDS prevention education.
There are many lesser-known sex no-no’s. According to “The Encyclopedia of Sex and Gender” by Carol and Melvin Ember, the Cuna Indians of Panama have sex only at night, certain West African people think sex during the day will create an albino child, and the Lepcha people of Tibet and Nepal believe sex within three months of setting a bear trap will result in no bears being trapped.
In some cultures, it is taboo to have sex unless a long period of time has passed since the woman gave birth. In traditional Zulu society, premarital sex was forbidden, reports the Africa Regional Sexuality Resource Centre. But the practice of “ukusoma,” in which a young man masturbates using a young woman’s clenched thighs, was sanctioned.
In a globalized, media-drenched world, many such taboos are falling. Whether or not that’s a good thing depends on your point of view.
Q: Is there anything wrong with a 73-year-old woman having hot and heavy sex with a man who is half her age? He approached me, not the other way around. He is a very good lover and I have always been a lusty wench, so my attitude is “yahoo!”
A: Wrong? What, you think you’ll be grounded? Have your cell phone taken away? Won’t get to go to the Hannah Montana concert?
What kind of attitude is that for a 73-year-old lusty wench? Arrr, matey! You’re old enough to take responsibility for safe sex, and old enough to pillage any unattached adult young’un who catches yer fancy.
MSNBC.com columnist and Glamour magazine contributing editor Brian Alexander’s book, “America Unzipped: In Search of Sex and Satisfaction,” will be published Jan. 15 by Crown/Harmony Books.