Finally as promised, tonight's Campaign Comment and we begin with Lincoln's motto about how "You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time."
Lincoln never said it.
And that tells you everything you need to know about fooling all of the people all of the time. Which brings us to Mr. Joseph Wurzelbacher. Joe the Plumber. "The" to his friends. Again. Official mascot for Team McCain. Playing the role of the average American working man. In fact, about as much like the Average American Working Man as I am.
The Average American Working Man is not trying to land a book deal, is not contemplating a run for Congress, has not just hired a publicist, and did not just form a partnership in hopes of getting himself a country music album.
I don't even have a publicist. More on publicists and country albums and book deals and Congress presently. First, there he was in Dayton, Ohio, again today, a "surprise guest" at a Sarah Palin rally. Trotted out by the Republicans like a two-headed heifer at the County Fair for everybody to gawk at even though he could be a poster boy for how Obama's tax plan will help people like him.
Even though the question he asked Obama was about a business he was trying to buy that he wasn't really trying to buy, that does $250,000 a year in business even though it doesn't.
In short, in public, this guy is lying, about 97 percent of the time. And at his now daily campaign appearances, people are asking him policy questions. And I just wanna make that one comment. A vote for Obama is a vote for the death to Israel, I'll guarantee you that.
Oooh, good answer.
So the guy who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about on the stage, is in full agreement with the guy who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about in the audience.
Mr. Wurzelbacher, honest to God, what are you doing? Reinforcing racism, and prejudice? Spreading rumors, and half-understood buzz-words? Do you get a little worried when you announce "If you look at spreading the wealth, that's honestly right out of Karl Marx's mouth?"
Or do you worry when some guy regurgitates a paranoid e-mail in which he read, as he put it "Obama's associations" and concluding it means "Death To Israel" and you find yourself saying the words "I'll go ahead and agree with you on that one," like you were on the freaking Hollywood Squares?
Does it worry you that you got called out on this by an anchor on Fox News?
Saying you're going to meet with somebody isn't "actions," Mr. Wurzelbacher. It's "words." You don't know what you're talking about. Get off the stage, if not out of that glimmer of respect you seem to have for the American political system, than for this reason.You may be endangering your country music record deal!
While you're making a fool out of yourself shilling for John McCain, William Hung could be taking that record deal out of your pocket! You think I'm kidding about this? Yesterday, country music artist and producer Aaron Tippin formed a partnership with Wurzelbacher and two others, to try to get him a recording contract and concert dates.
Joe is "a complicated guy with a very dynamic personality. He can sing and obviously has a strong political point of view," says his publicist. His publicist! "We are excited to announce the addition of Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher to ‘The Press Office' roster for exclusive public relations representation!"
He now shares billing with Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers, John Sebastian! And the enigmatic Leon Redbone! Yodeling Zeke! Butterball Jackson, Reddaboy and Yuma. Cloris Mozell
I'm sorry—those last four are from an episode of "The Simpsons."
So, recording contract, publicist, and last week he hired a lawyer who contacted several of the top talent agencies about trying to get him a book deal, and he went on Laura Ingraham's radio show last Friday and said he was considering running for Congress.
We, McCain's campaign, his supporters, the media, the American people as a whole, we are being conned by this guy. He's this far away from being on "Dancing With The Stars." And yet there is actually something he said, with which I agree, "I'm honestly scared for America."
He says he's scared by Obama. Or maybe he's trying out lyrics for a new song. I'm scared by him. I would much rather put my faith in another honest-to-goodness average American; a figure with greater depth and greater authenticity, even than Joe the Plumber.
In fact, I'll make a deal with John McCain—he loses Joe, he takes this guy instead, and I'll just shut up. Brawny Man, from the Brawny Towel packages.
I mean, if we're going to test out that which Lincoln never said: "You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time." Let's really test it.