IE 11 is not supported. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser.

He’s got issues!

I’ve got poofy hair, I’ve got sandals on, and I’ve got issues. Scroll below to read what Joe has to say about a hodgepodge of subjects.

Sexualization of teens. If we continue to accept the transformation of young girls into sex objects, we’re going to have to live with the consequences. A Tennessee man has been found guilty of exploiting his 13-year-old daughter by, get this, posting photographs of her nearly naked body on the Internet. The man was found guilty on nine counts of possessing and producing child pornography, but this is what his defense lawyer had to say, “We do not have a family of child pornographers holed up in Bethel Springs, Tennessee, trying to foist pornography on the world. We have a family trying to help a daughter realize a dream.” Realize a dream? Since when is being a child porn star a dream? This father belongs in jail, and his daughter needs to be rescued, and this lawyer just needs to keep his mouth shut.

Ballotfull of nuts. Arnold’s spoken and he’s a running man. Of course, he also has a huge field to run against with more than 300 people in the race. It used to be said that people get the government they deserve. And in a crazy state like California— they’re getting a ballot full of nuts. Mr. and Mrs. Huffington are running against each other, which is kind of nutty. And then there’s Gallagher, who’s nuts. And Angeline, who is a former singer, whose claim to fame is driving around Hollywood in a pink Corvette. And a retired policeman who wants to legalize ferrets. And of course there’s Larry Flynt, who could be Arnie’s strongest competition. “My slogan is going to be a smut peddler who cares, and I do care,” says Flynt. “I care about the same social ills that bother all of us.”

Another glaring instance of media bias. Two hundred and fifty one American servicemen have died tragically in Operation Iraqi Freedom, including 115 since the president declared the end of major combat in Iraq. Now, the number of soldiers killed has consistently been on the front pages and been news on all the shows. And we’ve had the headlines of the dead every day. And, of course, all along, the number of killed soldiers has been used by commentators to illustrate our supposed failures in Iraq in the region. Hey, everybody, I’ve got breaking news— good news for a change. It’s been more than five days since an American soldier’s been killed in Iraq. But you wouldn’t know that by reading a major newspaper. In fact, the rate of servicemen killed in Iraq has slowed dramatically since Uday and Qusay themselves were killed last week. So where are all the front-page stories about how the death of those two petty tyrants has apparently dealt a major blow to the Ba’athist terrorists. I got to tell you, we in Scarborough Country think the silence is deafening.

Bad news for Dog Chapman. He’s the bounty hunter who hunted down and captured convicted rapist, Andrew luster, in Mexico. It turns out Dog won’t receive any of the $1 million bail that the fugitive Max Factor heir forfeited when he vanished during his trial. But, hey Dog, I’ve got some good news for you, the mullet is back, and your mullet is bigger than ever. One of the stars of MTV’s “Jackass” was recently on the “New Tom Green Show”, and he showed off his new do.

Martha Stewart’s long fall from grace continues. The grand dame of doilies and decor has been bumped out of her prominent 9:00 a.m. time slot on CBS and moved to an hour that can only be described as “even later than Scarborough Country.” Her show is now going to air at 2:00 a.m., where her main competition is going to be reruns of “Suddenly Susan,” “Boy Meets World,” and infomercials for the ding king. The ding king? Martha can’t be happy about this move. Well, instead of concentrating on her salad, maybe Martha should concentrate on her other new demographic, drunks and insomniacs.