From "Unworthy: What would you do for your mother?" by Kimberly Wohlert, pages 34-35. Reprinted with permission by the author.
I was so afraid he woke up and was mad. But even more than that, I was terrified that my own Mother had done this unspeakable thing. My Mother. I sat there trembling, listening for yelling or some sign of what was going on in the house. I could smell the gunpowder all over me.
I waited a while longer, listening. I slowly made my way down the alley. There was only one house between ours and where I stood. I snuck through their yard and there was a little partial fence by our driveway, I crouched there and again, listened. I went by the the side of our house, then across to the front. I waited by the door, listening. I opened the now unlocked door, I barely got it open and thought, if I see or hear him I could just take off running and be gone. Where could I go? I didn't know.
As I went in, Mom started screaming at me, "Where did you go? What happened to you?"
I was shaking. She asked me "How could you just run off? How could you leave me?"
My eyes filled with tears. She asked me where I went, I knew at this point...he was not awake. I was trying to ask the question burning in my mind, without asking her the question. If I asked, Was he dead? then it would be real.