Lindsay Lohan began serving her jail sentence Thursday, if you can call it that.
Actually, it sounds kind of nice. We could stand 35 days of enforced loafing.
"Sorry, honey, can't mow the lawn. House arrest, you know," we'd say.
We'd give new meaning to the term "couch potato," catch up on years of Oprah and use the electronic ankle monitor as an excuse not to do the dishes (can't get those things wet).
But enough about our dream vacation. Lohan reported to the Lynwood Jail before dawn, got her little ankle thingy and went home to her life of crime, pedicures and sleeping in before rush hour had commenced.
There was no booking photo so we can't tell you what she wore.
Sheriff's spokesman Steve Whitmore said Lohan, who is "serving time" for violating parole, would wear the dingus for about 35 days and that she's paying for the costs of the monitoring.
Oh, during the period of her house arrest, Lohan is not allowed to leave her abode to whittle down her community service hours.
'Factor' boots Cole
Someone we've barely heard of on the judging panel for a show that isn't even on air yet was replaced by someone else we'd never heard of, but then, we lead a quiet life when not doing dishes.
TMZ learned that singer Cheryl Cole was kicked off Simon Cowell's new competition show, "X-Factor," which is supposed to be sort of like "American Idol" on steroids, and that another singer, ex-Pussycat Dolls' Nicole Scherzinger, will take her place.
And if that's not enough to ruin your day, TMZ, quoting sources close to the production, says that Cole was axed because producers thought her British accent was too thick for us dumb Americans to understand.
Isn't that accentism?
Also, Cole and fellow judge Paula Abdul apparently suffered from a "lack of chemistry." In other words, if you laid them end to end, there'd be no sparks.
MSNBC's Ed Schultz is off the air for more than a week after calling a fellow talk-show host a vulgar term.
Continue reading to find out what it was.
On his radio show, the liberal commentator referred to conservative host Laura Ingraham as a "right-wing slut." He was apparently upset over her criticism of President Barack Obama's overseas trip.
Schultz apologized on MSNBC on Wednesday to Ingraham, his family, MSNBC and viewers for the remark. He said it was wrong and uncalled for, and he recognized the severity of what he said.
MSNBC said the network and Schultz mutually agreed on a suspension without pay that will take him off the air until June 6, so Lindsay will have to watch something else.
Scotty McCreery can thank a fourth judge for clearing his path to becoming the latest "American Idol" -- one who didn't have to critique his singing.
A Los Angeles judge approved a minor's contract establishing financial protections for both McCreery and eventual runner-up Lauren Alaina on Monday, two days before fan votes gave the country crooner the show's top award. The draft contracts give the first-place winner at least $250,000 in advances for winning the show and recording the first album.
The 17-year-old will earn tens of thousands of dollars more for granting "Idol" partners likeness, merchandise and endorsement rights, and will also receive royalties on any music he releases.
Alaina is also set to receive a major payday; the contact approved by Superior Court Judge Marjorie Steinberg calls for the 16-year-old to receive $87,500 for finishing second. The amount would be doubled if Alaina records an album.
"It felt like a dream," McCreery said backstage in his dressing room after Wednesday's show. "It still hasn't sunk in yet, and I don't think it will for a while. I'm on top of the world right now."
Their advances will be placed in a Coogan Account, which is named after Jackie Coogan, an early-Hollywood child actor who was forced to sue his mother and former manager to recoup his earnings.
Shriver all set
TMZ also reported "Divorce On!" and we bet you know who they mean.
In a "Schwarzenegger Scandal" exclusive, the website said that Maria Shriver met with her divorce lawyer, Laura Wasser, Thursday morning in Beverly Hills.
The divorce petition hasn't been filed yet, but TMZ says "it's only a matter of time" and "all systems are go."
They also say that Schwarzenegger has been meeting with a divorce lawyer of his own.
You know, on the side.