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Pre-caffeine tech: Apple blather, hipster cats!

via BuzzFeed

Our pre-caffeine roundup is a collection of the hottest, strangest, and most amusing stories of the morning. Here's everything that you need to know before taking that first sip of coffee today

Here's why Apple can't make iPhones in the United States — Steve Jobs' deal to collect souls for Beelzebub surprisingly not one of the reasons.

Meanwhile, Apple and Microsoft's supplier chief calls his one million employees "animals." Classy.

Get an iPad, Kindle Fire or Nook Tablet over the holidays? You're not alone: Tablet and e-reader ownership increased by nearly double over the holidays, and more than 1 out of every 4 Americans now has one of the devices, according to a new study.

Despite the ho-hum launch last week, Apple's text books are off and running, with more than 350,000 textbook downloads in three days.

Meanwhile: Kim "I'm Smarter than Bill Gates" Dotcom, founder of file-sharing website Megaupload, was ordered to be held in custody by a New Zealand court Monday, as he denied charges of Internet piracy and money laundering.

Speaking of which, digital storage services like Megaupload play a small but growing role in a broader piracy problem that continues to evolve and dog the entertainment industry.

Hey, remember BlackBerry? Takeover talk is swirling around its maker Research In Motion as investors and analysts pondered whether new Chief Executive Thorsten Heins had been appointed to lead aturnaround of the struggling smartphone maker or prepare it for sale.

That's a lot of laughing babies: YouTube streams 4 billion online videos every day, a 25 percent increase in the past eight months, says its parent company, Google.

That's a lot of blog-to-book deals: Tumblr just passed 15 million page views (and 120 million users) per month.

In closing, here's 44 pictures of cats in glasses ... and one in a monocle.

  —  compiled by Helen A.S. Popkin, who invites you to join her on Twitter and/or FacebookAlso, Google+.