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TRMS Infoxication writing challenge

Since our last Infoxication challenge, you'd think our headline writing mentors at Fox Nation were spending all their time hammering Thor-like on the Fast and Furious beat. Luckily, they spared a moment to concoct this gem about the First Lady. Never mind that this story actually concerns nutrition standards and battling obesity, MICHELLE OBAMA HATES CRANBERRIES!! An innocent fruit that never did anything to her! Wake up, people!

Now that our lizard brains are wide awake and screaming, let's write some headlines of our own. Here are three recent stories:

Given the Fox Nation treatment they might read:

  • Pyscho Satellite's Savage Path of Destruction: First, Mars, Next, Earth
  • South Florida Paralyzed as Screaming Mob Seizes Streets
  • Senior's Dying Wish to SCOTUS: Strike Down Obamacare

Now it's your turn. Infoxify the above three headlines and we'll post the winners tomorrow. Enjoy!