Last night on "The Daily Show," host Jon Stewart broke down the ongoing verbal brawl between GOP presidential hopefuls Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich, otherwise known as Floridal Kombat. Much like the video game it was named for, each debate zing scored the candidates points against each other, and -- as polls suggest -- it was Romney who prevailed with a K.O.
And then, stuff hit the fan.
"The Colbert Report's" Stephen Colbert finally found Jon Stewart on the set of his show (of all places), and demanded the Super PAC money be set free. After a Liam-Neeson-in-"Taken" inspired monologue, a high-speed chase on foot ensued. Running around the "Daily Show" offices, Colbert and Stewart participated in cartoon-like antics -- complete with stunts, horse-drawn carriages, and somehow they wound up making a cameo on "The View."
Colbert managed to corner Stewart in a dead end for the "transfer" of PAC energy. A situation that can only be described as a Spider-Man-Upside-Down-Kiss-meets-Harry Potter-Dementor's-Kiss came next ... and then green flames shot out of him and the building around him.
Finally, the Super PAC hostage crisis comes to an end!
The thing is, it is a most valuable Super PAC to be in control of -- no wonder Stewart was reluctant to give it up. According to The Hollywood Reporter, that Super PAC has now crossed the million-dollar mark and as of Jan. 30, was worth $1,023,121.24.
The number comes from a letter sent to the Federal Election Commission on Monday from Shauna Polk, treasurer of the Super PAC, more formally known as Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow. Colbert (President of the PAC), asked her to quote him as saying "'Yeah! How you like me now, F.E.C.? I'm rolling seven digits deep! I got 99 problems but a non-connected independent-expenditure only committee ain't one!"
Polk distanced herself from that quote, writing, "I would like it noted for the record that I advised Mr. Colbert against including that quote."
Colbert posted a statement on his (newly-returned) Super PAC's website, saying, "Colbert Super PAC has brought in a staggering $1,023,121.24, which my accountant explains to me that is a number far above 'one,' 'two,' 'five,' or even 'many.' We raised it on my show and used it to materially influence the elections -- in full accordance with the law. It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country."
That's a hard act to follow, but "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" host did his best, acknowledging the fact that it was Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day. After that, he moved on to his favorite target -- Herman Cain. First, Kimmel suggested that Cain's endorsement of Newt Gingrich was his way of thanking the former House Speaker for all of the pizzas he'd ordered over the years.
Then, he focused on the "sausage grinder" analogy Cain made during the endorsement speech to describe how grueling the campaign trail can be. It's safe to say that "sausage" and "grinder" are two words Mr. Cain should drop from his vocabulary, Kimmel joked.
Finally, Jimmy introduced us to this gem. It's a Newt Gingrich-inspired rap song called "Hoot for Newt" that was reportedly played at his Jan. 28 rally in Port St. Lucie, Fla. rally. The Huffington Post reached out to Gingrich press secretary R.C. Hammond to try and find out who wrote and performed the song, but was told "No clue."
Yes, that exists. Perhaps it'll become the national anthem when we all occupy the moon.