Come the revolution, the proletariat will no doubt want to get a move on rounding up not only the politicians and corporate fat cats responsible for the U.S. economic decline, but Hollywood's aristocracy as well. Alas, as Gawker Stalker no longer features Google Maps, this will prove time-consuming, cutting into the ensuing Enlightenment.
Well, good news, comrades! Gwyneth Paltrow is here to help with a location-based iPhone app for Goop, her weekly lifestyle newsletter which urges readers to "nourish the inner aspect" via buying stuff you certainly don't need, and probably can't afford. (Like Oprah's Favorite Things, except nobody gets anything free.)
For a mere $3.99, iPhone users receive Goop's classist and clueless content in a whole new medium — one that includes a couple of videos featuring the flaxen-haired screen siren dropping serious Benjamins throughout Manhattan, and that handy location feature to help users pinpoint the locations Gwyneth likes to go.
Indeed, the Goop app even offers a "Favourites" feature so you can keep track of which of Paltrow's "favourite" places are also your own. Notably missing from the selections are Zucotti Park (Ground Zero for the Occupy movement), as well as the best place the breadless might obtain a suitable substitute such as 6th-degree vegan cupcakes — or as fake British people spell it, "cupcaukes." (Note the superfluous "u," which denotes all things classy.)
Please also note: Our revolution riffing aside, when we recommend Goop as a tool for the rank and file uprising, we are totally joking. Given the current climate of increasing economic disparity, we can't help but wonder: Is Paltrow joking too?
More on the annoying way we live now:
- Can a Wikipedia blackout save the Internet?
- Why PayPal's bad reputation is bigger than Regretsy
- Comic Sans gets the defense it deserves -- finally
- Devastating explosions, courtesy of Old Spice
- Why 'Community' is the only Internet crossover that matters
- 'Planking spree' ends in $303 fine, shame
Helen A.S. Popkin goes blah blah blah about the Internet — at least until the Stop Online Piracy Act becomes a law, making snark a libelous felony. Tell her to get a real job on Twitter and/or Facebook. Also, Google+.