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Pre-caffeine tech: Apple rumors, Facebook flops!
Courtarro via Fashionably

Our pre-caffeine roundup is a collection of the hottest, strangest, and most amusing stories of the morning. Here's everything that you need to know before taking that first sip of coffee. 

What happens in Vegas, stays on the Internet ... forever and ever and ever. Right, Prince Harry?!

Meaanwhile, everybody's still freaking out about pups 'confessing' their barf-eating behavior on that Dogshaming Tumblr (surely there's a Tumblr-to-book deal already in the works). 

Rumor is that Apple will hold a very special event on Sept. 12. Naturally, this means that we are compelled to gossip endlessly about what the Cupertino-based company might announce on that day. Here's what we expect from Apple this fall.

Speaking of Apple, here's "confessions from the most corrupt Apple store in America" (allegedly). 

Speaking of allegedly, the court heard closing arguments in the Apple v. Samsung case, with Samsung claiming that Apple stifles competition and Apple saying Samsung is a copycat. Now we wait. 

Facebook is now worth half of it's original IPO value -- and Mark Zuckerberg hasn't been among the top 10 riches dudes in tech for a while now (In case you're looking for a little Schadenfreude).  

Hey! Guess whose been messing with the Oakland Police Department's ongoing radio communication woes? AT&T! Whoopsie! 

Awesome! A hover bike that lets you drive like a Jedi!

'Sweatsy': This online news agency tore the roof off Etsy sweatshops.

In closing, only 10 more days til Dragon Con! 

Compiled by Helen A.S. Popkin, who invites you to join her on Twitter and/or Facebook. Also, Google+.