What a week it's been for online security.
Within a few days, LinkedIn, eHarmony and Last.fm all suffered security breaches, with hackers gaining access to millions of those users' passwords.
If you've been affected, it's nothing pesonal. Yours is just one of millions of accounts that got swept up for various types of scams. But what if it were personal? What if someone really just wanted to make fun of you?
(Disclaimer: this is not a serious security-tech article.)
ON LINKEDIN
You have new recommendations from Barack Obama, Warren Buffett and Mark Zuckerberg, but they all say, "We were happy to see him go."
Your references now include "Mom."
People's ignored requests to be part of your network are suddenly accepted, and now they are sending you messages about saving their friend, a Nigerian prince.
Your résumé is changed to say that you have a bachelor's degree in computer science. Someone finds that after you've been elected chief executive officer of a tech company, and you are forced to resign.
ON EHARMONY
Your body type is changed from "a few extra pounds" to "chunk-style."
Your hobbies are changed to "taxidermy, running a family hotel and spending time with Mother."
Your photos are now superimposed with the words, "These pictures are 6 years old!"
You and 25,000 other single women get one match: an unemployed fry cook and "World of Warcraft" enthusiast named Dave who lives in his grandma's basement in Schenectady, N.Y.
ON LAST.FM
Your top tunes are now the 42 versions of "Macarena."
Everyone sees that your playlists include all four of the Maroon 5 albums.
You now have self-hypnosis downloads telling you to fly to Ukraine and give a bag of money to a man on a street corner to reach inner peace.
It's hacked and you don't even notice.