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Keith’s Quotables

Click here to read quotes from last week’s editions of “Countdown with Keith Olbermann.”
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Following are quotes from editions of

  • "Something‘s rotten at the Peterson trial:  Amber Frey dismissed until next week.  Is it possible that something interesting has happened in this case?" -August 18 
  • "And 36 bottles of beer in the bear, 36 bottles of beer.  He takes what he‘s found and drinks it right down, but he won‘t touch Busch, only Rainier." -August 18
  • "A truck driver in the western German town of Greven, carrying fifteen tons of jam, lost control of his big rig while swatting to a wasp in his cab.  He crashed into a barrier, lost his goods all over the highway.  It blocked traffic for more than two hours and worse, it attracted a whole bunch more wasps.  And worse yet, it created the world‘s first actual traffic—jam." – August 18
  • "Asked by the interviewer what a man should look for in a woman, Senator Kerry also replied, 'Look for what gets your heart, someone who excites you, turns you on.  It‘s a quality of character, it‘s a kind of presentation, sense of womanhood.  Full woman, confident, it‘s a woman who loves being a woman, who wears her womanhood, who knows how to flirt and have fun.  Smart, confident and has a sense of self, strong and obviously sexy and saucy and challenging.' He did not add, and $550 million never hurts. -August 17
  • "Donald Trump.  This fine corporation gave that man $50,000 an episode for the first season of “The Apprentice” and now he wants a raise, to $18 million per episode.  Guys, if you decide to get rid of him, can I do?  Can I say it, please?  'Ya fied!'–" July 30
  • "Smarty Jones is retiring at age 3 to go to stud.  The American dream, in other words.  Who the heck is Smarty Jones?  He‘s the horse the news media hyped to you in June after he won the first two legs of the Triple Crown and then blew the lead at the Belmont Stakes."  – August 2
  • "Charles Ball of Boston, son of the creator of the yellow smiley face, says his design for a smiley face license plate will, 'Eliminate road rage for all time.'  That‘s right sir, under-promise, over-deliver." – August 2
  • "What better to honor Lewis and Clark’s legendary 1804 journey across the Northwest passage that than with a 2,000-pound statue made entirely out of butter?  The giant Atkins-friendly sculpture is a main attraction at this year‘s Ohio State Fair.  There‘s only enough Lewis and Clark for the first 40,000 visitors, so make sure you get there early and bring your own garlic bread."  – August 3
  • "Larry Roberts, a Pennsylvania state representative has been hospitalized since July 19 with the hiccups.  His office offers this optimistic bulletin, quote, “It‘s improving.  There are longer lapses between them.” – August 3
  • "Friend's star Matthew Perry  dove into a swimming pool to save a young boy at a barbeque in Hollywood, California. The 2-year-old was so going to drown and Chandler Bing saved his life. Could you be anymore heroic?" –June 25
  • "Scientists around the world are turning their attention to a young boy born in Germany with a rare genetic mutation that caused him to come out of the womb literally muscle bound. So far there's only pictures of the baby, now four and a half years old, but an artist‘s rendering of what he might look like when he grows up…  We can only hope that he‘ll use his super powers for good and not evil." –June 24
  • "John Edgell, the man facing the lawsuit from Governor Schwarzenegger over the “Governator” bobble head doll has responded to the lawsuit by commissioning a new bobble head: 'The 'Gropenator.'" –June 24
  • "Ben Affleck won just over $356,000 and first place in a California state poker championship.  It was the biggest booty Affleck had gotten his hands on since dating the bodacious J.Lo earlier this year." –June 22