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Pre-caffeine tech: Big tech smack talk, dogs frozen in time

Our pre-caffeine roundup is a collection of the hottest, strangest, and most amusing stories of the morning. Here's everything that you need to know before taking that first sip of coffee today: 

Why did Apple make a deal to to integrate Twitter into iOS 5?  "Because Mark Zuckerberg is a ****ing a**hole." That's what blogger says an Apple insider told him, anyway.

Scoble also declared that Twitter is really messed up, internally ... for which he later apologized, profusely.

Speaking of apologies, Facebook sent meaculpas to environmental activists after its automated spam blockerprevented them and other people from posting on like-minded Facebook pages.

Speaking of things that need apologies: Until recently, medical files belonging to nearly 300,000 Californians sat unsecured on the Internet for the entire world to see. We're talking insurance forms, Social Security numbers and doctors' notes.

Ashton Kutcher endorses his investements on Twitter, too ... not that the FTC cares.

Reports are making their way around social networks saying that Libya's Internet — effectively turned off by the Gadhafi regime in March — is back online.

The sudden demise of Hewlett-Packard's webOS TouchPad after just seven weeks on shelves was a reminder of how tech giants have failed so far to take a bite out of Apple's iPad.

Still, now that HP's TouchPad is only $99, the product is flying off the shelves.

Here's how wireless devices are being used to fight traffic — you might not even know it as sensors snatch real-time info from devices.

This guy is suing a Dallas hospital for implanting a GPS in his armpit.

Pottermore beta encourages wand play with minors.

In closing, freeze-frame dog photography will haunt your dreams.

Helen A.S. Popkin goes blah blah blah about the Internet. Tell her to get a real job on Twitter and/or FacebookAlso, Google+.