“I view myself as a survivor.”
So declares Grammy-winning rapper Megan Thee Stallion in a new essay for ELLE magazine, nearly four months after a jury found Tory Lanez guilty of shooting her in July 2020. The rapper, whose real name is Megan Jovon Ruth Pete, has remained silent on social media in the months after the high-profile assault trial.
Now, she’s speaking out about the verdict and social media attacks from the public, celebrities and gossip bloggers. Pete wrote that she initially thought people would believe her story of domestic violence, but years of taunting and the public casting doubt took a toll on her.
“The truth is that I started falling into a depression,” Pete wrote. “ I didn’t feel like making music. I was in such a low place that I didn’t even know what I wanted to rap about. I wondered if people even cared anymore. There would be times that I’d literally be backstage or in my hotel, crying my eyes out, and then I’d have to pull Megan Pete together and be Megan Thee Stallion.”
Lanez, whose legal name is Daystar Peterson, was convicted in December of assault with a semi-automatic firearm, discharging a firearm with gross negligence and carrying a loaded, unregistered firearm in a vehicle. The charges stemmed from a July 2020 altercation between Daystar, Peterson and Pete’s former friend Kelsey Harris after a party in Los Angeles.
In the years after the shooting, all three warred with words on social media as the public speculated about what happened that night. Some called Pete a liar and implied that she may have been the attacker, but her advocates said Peterson and those who supported him were perpetuating “misogynoir,” a specific form of misogyny against Black women where racism and sexism intersect.
December’s verdict was more than vindication for Pete, but a victory for women who have been blamed and shamed for the gender-based violence against them, she wrote in the essay. Pete added that, as a tall Black woman, she was quickly deemed an imperfect victim who didn’t need protecting. “Any support and empathy that I received was drowned out by overwhelming doubt and criticism from so many others," she wrote.
During the dayslong trial in December, many held that it seemed as though Pete were on trial, rather than her attacker. Peterson’s lawyers characterized the shooting as a jealous dispute between Pete and Harris, forcing Pete to disclose an intimate relationship with Peterson during her testimony. Peterson did not testify in his own defense, but has long maintained his innocence and rebutted Pete’s claims in an album last year.
Meanwhile, gossip bloggers ridiculed Pete on social media and spread misinformation about the trial. The spectacle of it all was enough to drive the rapper off of social media for months, beginning in November.
Pete returned to Twitter and Instagram in March. She wrote in her essay that she’d spent the last four months healing, spending time with her friends, and praying. The experience, she said, was difficult without her mother and great-grandmother, both of whom died in 2019. Still, the rapper said she is in a “happier place” but still experiences anxiety over the situation. Pete said the essay would be the first and last time she publicly discusses the yearslong ordeal.
“I understand the public intrigue, but for the sake of my mental health, I don’t plan to keep reliving the most traumatic experience of my life over and over again,” she wrote. “I’m choosing to change the narrative because I’m more than just my trauma.”
Peterson’s sentencing, initially set for January, has been rescheduled multiple times. Peterson’s legal team is seeking a new trial. He faces up to 22 years and eight months in prison served consecutively if he receives the maximum sentence on each charge. He could also be deported to Canada following time served.
